Corner Gas

Emma: Oh, I can't spend another night in this bed. Oscar: Hey, you're the one who made the bean salad.

Wanda: Hey, Davis, whatcha doin? Writing in your diary? Davis: I don't have a diary. I have a journal. And that's a totally different thing. ...Even though it has a lock on it, like a diary. But it's a journal!

(at the bed store) Lloyd: How about this one? It's a delux dual Slumbermatic, with over 30 positions and a 'Sooth-apedic' mattress. It's the Cadillac of beds. Emma: Unfortunately, I've got a hatchback for a husband. Lloyd: Well he is lucky to have an exotic, European-looking model such as yourself. Emma: Do you think all this flirting and flattery works? Lloyd: Not with a smart, attractive woman like you. Emma: When can you deliver it?

Karen: So, why did Wanda buy you lunch yesterday? Davis: I lost a bet. Karen: Really. What bet? Davis: She bet me that if she bought me lunch, I wouldn't give her a parking ticket.

Lacey: Hey, Hank, can you see the score card? Or maybe you need a little 'loser' eye surgery. Hank: It's pronounced 'laser'.

(after Lacey misses her shot) Hank: It's like my old grand-daddy used to say, 'There's two kinds of people in this world: losers, and those who lose to losers.' And my friends, you just lost to me.

Emma: So, what would you like for breakfast, Lloyd? Oscar: Who's Lloyd? Emma: What? I said 'Oscar'. What did you think I said? Oscar: I thought you said 'Lloyd'. Emma: Lloyd? Who the heck is Lloyd? Oscar: I don't know. Emma: Well then why'd you ask?

Brent: Look, you'd make it easier on yourself if you would just pretend to play badly, like me. Lacey: Okay, so you weren't really playing badly, because, you know, it looked like sucking came naturally to you. Brent: Yeah, well, it looked like being a stubborn smuggy-smug came naturally to you... Smuggo.

Lacey: Let's settle this on the golf course, where I can open up a can of whup-arse. Brent: I accept your clumsy attempt at a foul-mouthed challenge.

Davis: Oh, hi Karen, I'm just doing some shredding. It sure is fun. But I'm all out of stuff to shred. Hey, why don't you pass me your ticket book, we'll shred some stuff in that?

Wanda: You sucked a pancake full of eggs out of me under the false pretense of fixing my ticket. That's extortion. As someone who bribes, I should know. Davis: And as someone who accepts bribes, I understand.

Davis: (to Wanda) Don't worry, Karen is bound to slip up sooner or later. And when she does... someone will probably tell us about it.

Oscar: [Lloyd] was keen to talk to you, but we ended up having a little chat. Emma: Yeah, he is cute, isn't he? Oscar: What? Emma: Oh, I'm just saying, he's a good-looking guy. I wouldn't dream about him. ...Oh, okay, I dreamt about him, but just once. Oscar: I was just going to say, we had a chat about end tables. Emma: That's what I meant.