Corner Gas

Oscar: It'll teach you a lesson about counting your chickens before the father of the chickens dies. Brent: Ah, that old chestnut.

(Hank takes a Breathalyzer test) Karen: Hank, you already had a try! Oscar: You don't even have a car! Hank: I'm walking under the influence!

Brent: This bulletin just in, Lacey's bulletin board has too many rules. Lacey: Rules! I should post some rules.

(referring to her new, neat, bulletin board) Lacey: Bulletins, memos, missives, what have you. Brent: It seems a little loosey-goosey. Lacey: Yeah, I admit, it's no sprawling tack-board with three-year-old missing cat notices. Wanda: You make it sound as if Whiskers ~isn't~ coming back.

(Brent sits in a booth with Hank, making him move over to make room) Brent: Well... that was a little awkward. Hank: Well, these booths are kinda tight, and you're not as thin as you used... Brent: No, I just overheard what I'm getting from my parents when they... you know. Hank: Celebrate your birthday? Lacey: I think he meant 'pass away,' Hank. Hank: What? What kind of birthday present is that?

Hank: You told me they were dying. Emma: You told him what? Hank: Brent was convinced you were dying and was hoping to get your couch. Emma: Is that true? Brent: Everything except what Hank said.

Brent: I wasn't scheming. I just... most people your age have wills. Emma: What do you mean, 'our age'? Brent: I said 'wage.' People of your wage... bracket... is what I said.

Emma: So, you can see, it's a fairly big responsibility, but that's what an executor is. Hank: Okay. So, where does the axe and the mask come in? Emma: That's an executioner. That's something different. Hank: Right. So do I wear the mask or not?

Wanda: I'm confused. You want to kill your parents for a couch? Brent: No, it's not about a couch... or murder... I just want them to get wills. Wanda: So you don't want to kill your dad? Brent: Hmm.. well, not for his stuff.

Brent: I did kind of obsess about my parents' stuff. Am I a bad son? Wanda: No. Mind you, my kid sticks peanut butter up my nose while I sleep, so maybe I'm not a good barometer.

Lacey: My board doesn't need your pity, it's just a slow season for bulletins.