Corner Gas

This week in Dog River, the townsfolk try to increase tourism by building the World's Biggest Thing; Davis worries about the aging process; and Oscar thinks that Lacey has a crush on him.

At The Ruby, Lacey asks Davis to pass her a ketchup bottle, and when he reaches for it, he pulls a muscle in his neck, then comments that he threw out his back shaving. Later on, in the cruiser outside the town meeting, Karen tries to cheer Davis up when he's feeling his age, and turns on the radio to help, but the "new" music only puts Davis in a worse mood. Karen doesn't help matters at all when she points out that the song is from 1996, and she was in high school then. Davis seems to have a change of heart about the music though, as he later cruises through town, listening to rap music at full blast.

After sharing his life experience with Davis at The Ruby, Oscar comments to Lacey that he's 63 and looks 73, but she tells him that he's a fine looking man. Later on, at home, Oscar tells Emma that she'd better start being nice to him, because someone in town has a crush on him. Emma doubts this, asking if Helen Keller is in town? Oscar tells her that it's Lacey, and she's got it bad. Emma laughs at the idea of Oscar and Lacey together. At The Ruby, Oscar comes in and, in his own discreet fashion, tries to tell Lacey that he's married, mentioning that he saw a story on the news about Bill Clinton fooling around, and mentioning his wife, Emma, quite a few times. Lacey tells him that extra-marital affairs happen because a lot of women are attracted to powerful older men; this only makes Oscar more certain that she has a crush on him. Oscar goes to the gas station looking for help with his problem, asking Wanda what a guy can do to make himself less appealing; she asks if he means like having something stuck in his teeth, which Oscar thinks is a great idea.

At home, Oscar looks for parsley, then goes out. He goes to the Hotel bar, and first calls Lacey "Linda", and smiles widely, showing the parsley in his teeth, but Lacey doesn't think it's gross, saying that she gets stuff stuck in her teeth all the time. Oscar, disappointed that his plan didn't work, says that he has to go home to his wife, and leaves. Wanda realizes that Oscar was talking about Lacey when he asked her for advice, and lets Lacey and Brent in on what's going on. The next day, at the gas station, Brent tells Lacey that he's okay with her being his new mommy. Oscar comes in, and Lacey, determined to end things, tries to talk to him. Wanda interrupts, telling Oscar that they got a new shipment of head cheese in, adding that Oscar loves head cheese, and motioning for him to get some. When he turns around to get some from the cooler, Wanda lets Lacey know that she should use this as her way out, and Lacey takes the hint, telling Oscar that head cheese is gross and she's going to be sick. She leaves, and Brent asks Oscar if he was tempted, even a bit, by Lacey. Oscar says no, adding that Lacey wouldn't look so good after Emma got through with her.

The main plot line opens with Hank telling Brent that he has an idea that will suck tourists into coming to Dog River: The World's Biggest. He explains that Moose Jaw has the World's Biggest Moose; Tisdale has the World's Biggest Bumblebee; and Wullerton (spit) has the World's Biggest Magpie. Brent isn't interested until Hank adds that people will want to stop in at Corner Gas to fill their tanks, as well as buying snacks and smokes; then Brent tells him that he should bring it up at the town meeting. At the town meeting, Fitzy goes through the town business, turning down the idea to paint a big smiley face on the water tower. Brent and Lacey sneak in, but try to stay out of Hank's sight, so that Brent won't become an idiot by association when everyone thinks Hank's idea is stupid. Hank stands up to tell everyone his idea, but has trouble getting the words out properly; he notices Brent and gets him to take over in presenting the idea. Fitzy initially thinks that the idea would be too pricey until Brent brings up Wullerton (spit), and once the townsfolk are riled up that Wullerton (spit) is better than them, they all agree to build the World's Biggest Thing.

The committee, consisting of Fitzy, Wes, Hank, Brent, and Fitzy's grandmother, meet at The Ruby to decide what the "Thing" should be. Brent starts out by saying that they should build something symbolic of Dog River; Wes suggests a big dog in a river, but Brent turns it down as being too obvious. Grandma Fitzy suggests that since Dog River has always been a farming community, they should build something to show their agricultural heritage, and this gets nods all around. She then suggests that they should build a hoe. Brent is doubtful, but Lacey points out that, "they do attract people, and they certainly generate revenue." Grandma Fitzy then adds that it could be coming out of the earth, covered in top soil, and Lacey puts in that now it's a big dirty hoe. Brent, trying to get away from the hoe suggestion, tries to sell the committee on a big shovel, but they turn on him. Hank accuses Brent of first trying to steal his idea, and now trying to steal Grandma Fitzy's. Brent can't come right out and tell Grandma Fitzy what's wrong with her idea, so it passes the vote of the committee. Wes suggests using a telephone pole, but it's pointed out that the wood's too dry and will crack. Both Brent and Lacey say, "Crack hoe", and Lacey laughs. Later on, Brent and Lacey tell Wanda about the meeting as they walk to the Hotel bar, with Lacey adding that it'll probably be built on a street corner. Wanda asks if no one else got the "hoe thing", and Brent says that he thought that Fitzy did, but he's not sure. Cut to: Brent asking Fitzy if he's okay with building a big hoe, and Fitzy, with his face turning purple, asking what he was supposed to do, because she's his grandma! At the Hotel bar, Hank comes in; he doesn't seem to get the "hoe" problem, and when Lacey tries to explain it to him, he tells them that he gets all the "big dirty crack hoe" references, but he sees it as a positive thing, because it will cause a media stink and draw more tourists, nationally and internationally. Brent is still doubtful about using the word "hoe" and tries suggesting other possibilities to various people in the bar, like "soil turner", "earth spoon", and "dirt stick" but nobody likes those.

At the town meeting, Fitzy announces that the committee has decided on The World's Biggest Hoe, which meets with approval from the townsfolk. Karen and Davis, standing at the back, laugh at the idea, and Davis comments that they might as well just call it "The World's Biggest Prostitute." Grandma Fitzy, overhearing this, stands up and slaps him, asking why youngsters always have to have such filthy mouths? Davis finally feels good about his age; Karen points out that everything's relative. Much later, Brent, Lacey and Hank stand looking at the World's Biggest Hoe, and Brent comments that it really puts the one that they built in Dog River to shame. Hank adds that they really should have checked to see if anyone else already had the World's Biggest Hoe; both Lacey and Brent agree. Brent notes that it's a nice town, and maybe they should spend some money there.