Cougar Town Season 2 Episode 20

Ellie: (About the chalk children) They wanna lay the creepy on us, we go even creepier!
Grayson: I'm gonna channel Vincent D'Onofrio from Full Metal Jacket, you do a Helena Bonham Carter.
Ellie: One step ahead of you, dearie. (Sees Tom's face) That's awful, Tom! Who are you doing?
Tom: Oh, that's just my thinking face.

Ellie: (About Travis) You have to crush him. You're just scared. Practice with your boyfriend. Grayson, get your Travis on.
Grayson: (In his Travis voice) Mom, don't make me leave. I'm just so lost right now.
Jules: I'm only doing this because I love you!
Grayson: (In his Travis voice) I love you too. So much. (Jules starts kissing him, then they stop)
Jules: Should we all just walk away?
Grayson: I'm gonna go.

Ellie: What did you want [Travis] to do? Live here until he's sixty so you two could spend every second of your lives together?
Jules: Oh my god, that would be amazing!
Grayson: Pushed the wrong button there.

Laurie: Did you just get one night standed by your own son?
Jules: He said we were going to brunch.
Laurie: Oh, no.

Ellie: (About a chalk drawing) Are those all our houses?
Grayson: And that's us there, burning alive. You don't even have a head. Oh wait, there it is.
Ellie: Why is my severed head still screaming?

Jules: Time for tough love, buddy! I will toss you out on your ass!
Travis: That's not you.
Jules: Oh, it's me! I toss asses!

Travis: I've been thinking maybe college isn't for me.
Bobby: You're giving up your future!
Travis: How long did you last in college?
Bobby: Six weeks. He's right, I'm out.
Jules: I paid your tuition! Do you have any idea how used I feel?
Laurie: It's like when you hook up with a dude and you wake up the next morning and he's gone and all that's left is a note on your pillow that says, "Last night was fun, call me next time you're in Tampa." And you're all, "What? I'm in Tampa?"

Jules: (About Tom) Sure he's a little creepy, but he seems harmless.
Ellie: When he murders you, that's gonna be my exact quote of the news crew.

Jules: Last cup of coffee. Who gets it? (Ellie and Grayson hold out their cups) Best friend or boyfriend. I'll hear both arguments.
Grayson: I love you.
Ellie: I got you a bagel.
Jules: Sorry dude, you can't eat love.

Bobby: Back in our day on spring break, we'd be down in Daytona, tearing it up, punching cops-
Travis: You punched a cop? (Bobby points at Jules)
Jules: Well, don't try to stop me if I'm vogueing on top of a cab!