Cougar Town Season 2 Episode 13

Grayson: I probably shouldn't have tied you to a tree.
Andy: Since I'm Cuban, it's possibly a hate crime.

Jules: Ellie sees me as the dictator who controls everyone. You have an outside view of the cul-da-sac crew. How do you see us?
Travis: Well, I see you as a bunch of old people with surprisingly good skin given the amount of wine and sun you take in.
Jules: Yeah, I think the alcohol preserves us.

Laurie: So Beef, why are you hiding your girlfriend from everyone?
Bobby: Get outta my grill, Bubbles!

Laurie: (To Bobby) I love me some beef and bubbles! Ooh! Those should be our detective names. He's Beef, a gristled ex-marine with a secret; he's a vegetarian. She's Bubbles, his plucky, hot partner with a secret of her own; she's Beef's daughter. Together, they fight crime, and each week, maybe they grow a little bit closer together.

Grayson: I told you Ellie wouldn't be in the pool shed.
Jules: That's where she hides from Andy when he wants to have sex. (Later)
Andy: Ellie's not in the hedge where she hides from the nanny.
Travis: Ellie hides a lot.

Jules: Okay, you can hide anywhere in my, Grayson's, or Ellie and Andy's house. Tom, I didn't include your house because I figured it was creepy.
Tom: It is.
Travis: I can see his guest bedroom from my window. He has a mannequin in a cage.

Grayson: You know why you're an idiot? One of the reasons? You're still competing with jerks from high school. You won. You got a hot wife, a beautiful son, a good job, those guys are like me. Divorced, struggling through life, peaked at 18.
Andy: Wow. You're a total loser.
Grayson: But I got Jules now.
Andy: Yeah, but you're gonna blow that.

Grayson: Put my ice cream away! Go get some pillows and wine and hide from Jules in the truck. I gotta go get Andy because I tied him to a tree. (Leaves)
Laurie: (To Bobby) Our group is so much fun!

Ellie: Can you imagine what it's like to be Andy?
Grayson: Well he's married to you, so I imagine it must be terrifying.

Travis: (Lying between Tom and Ellie in the flatbed during a game of sardines) This sucks.
Tom: Why aren't you at college?
Travis: You know what, Tom? I don't know.

Grayson: Hey, it's Travis' ironic t-shirt collection. (Holds the "stud" t-shirt up to himself) "I'm moody and sarcastic and I'm home for the tenth straight week because I don't understand how college works."
Andy: (Puts on Travis' hoodie) I don't have a Travis impression, I just like his hoodie.

Travis: Mom, I'm pretty sure Mrs. Torres isn't hiding in that drawer.
Jules: No, but her sex chopsticks are. Whatever the hell these do.