Bobby: So, ya'll bag on Sam after we left?
Grayson: What could we possibly say about her? We met her for like two seconds.
Bobby: Well, that's all you're gonna, because she dumped me. Go ahead.
Ellie: Bad hair, weird nose, thick neck.
Grayson: She shook my hand by the fingertips. What are you, the queen of France?
Laurie: Her face made me want to learn how to box.
Bobby: Man, there's a lot of love in this room.
Grayson: I probably shouldn't have tied you to a tree.
Andy: Since I'm Cuban, it's possibly a hate crime.
Jules: Ellie sees me as the dictator who controls everyone. You have an outside view of the cul-da-sac crew. How do you see us?
Travis: Well, I see you as a bunch of old people with surprisingly good skin given the amount of wine and sun you take in.
Jules: Yeah, I think the alcohol preserves us.
Laurie: So Beef, why are you hiding your girlfriend from everyone?
Bobby: Get outta my grill, Bubbles!
Laurie: (To Bobby) I love me some beef and bubbles! Ooh! Those should be our detective names. He's Beef, a gristled ex-marine with a secret; he's a vegetarian. She's Bubbles, his plucky, hot partner with a secret of her own; she's Beef's daughter. Together, they fight crime, and each week, maybe they grow a little bit closer together.
Grayson: I told you Ellie wouldn't be in the pool shed.
Jules: That's where she hides from Andy when he wants to have sex. (Later)
Andy: Ellie's not in the hedge where she hides from the nanny.
Travis: Ellie hides a lot.
Jules: Okay, you can hide anywhere in my, Grayson's, or Ellie and Andy's house. Tom, I didn't include your house because I figured it was creepy.
Tom: It is.
Travis: I can see his guest bedroom from my window. He has a mannequin in a cage.
Grayson: You know why you're an idiot? One of the reasons? You're still competing with jerks from high school. You won. You got a hot wife, a beautiful son, a good job, those guys are like me. Divorced, struggling through life, peaked at 18.
Andy: Wow. You're a total loser.
Grayson: But I got Jules now.
Andy: Yeah, but you're gonna blow that.
Grayson: Put my ice cream away! Go get some pillows and wine and hide from Jules in the truck. I gotta go get Andy because I tied him to a tree. (Leaves)
Laurie: (To Bobby) Our group is so much fun!
Ellie: Can you imagine what it's like to be Andy?
Grayson: Well he's married to you, so I imagine it must be terrifying.
Travis: (Lying between Tom and Ellie in the flatbed during a game of sardines) This sucks.
Tom: Why aren't you at college?
Travis: You know what, Tom? I don't know.
Grayson: Hey, it's Travis' ironic t-shirt collection. (Holds the "stud" t-shirt up to himself) "I'm moody and sarcastic and I'm home for the tenth straight week because I don't understand how college works."
Andy: (Puts on Travis' hoodie) I don't have a Travis impression, I just like his hoodie.
Travis: Mom, I'm pretty sure Mrs. Torres isn't hiding in that drawer.
Jules: No, but her sex chopsticks are. Whatever the hell these do.
Bobby: You better fix the TV, T-rex, I'm really pumped to see this movie.
Travis: Waiting for Superman? Really?
Jules: Bobby, I forgot to tell you, Superman's not in it. It's a documentary.
Travis: Yep. It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's a depressing expose about the failing public school system.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Ztracené děti (Lost Children)
After the opening scenes, the title says Do We Have to Do This Joke Forever? : Cougar Town
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: January 26, 2011 on Citytv
Sweden: March 22, 2011 on Kanal 5
United Kingdom: April 26, 2011 on Sky LIVING/Sky LIVING HD
Norway: November 15, 2011 on TVNorge
Czech Republic: December 10, 2011 on ČT1
Finland: August 7, 2012 on MTV3
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