Travis: Dad's not clueless, he's just got a basic, Cliff notes version of events. Dad, the world today: go.
Bobby: Well ice is melting, oil's spilling, there's a black president, love it! People watching movies on their cell phones, and... Lady Gaga!
Jules: Grayson and I are a better couple than you two.
Travis: Well, this seems like a healthy road to go down with your mom.
Jules: So you just brought me out here to make fun of me?
Grayson: No. I don't like sharing how I feel, especially in front of the peanut gallery. (Laurie, Ellie, and Travis wave) But I know it matters to you, so I invited them all here so they could hear me say this. You're an idiot. You're worried we're not alike enough to be together? One of my favorite things about us is how different we are. It's the couples that really work. (Points to Andy and Ellie) His favorite movie is Die Hard and she... is a horrible person.
Andy: It's Love, Actually, actually. Ooh, sequel!
Grayson: I've been scared to say this, but all those ways that you're different from me, that's why I love you. (Laurie and Ellie gasp) I love you, Jules. (They kiss)
Grayson: It's a pet cemetery. There's the dove, the squirrel, and for the lizard, I just buried your whole shoe, it was really on there.
Laurie: This is getting kind of creepy.
Ellie: Like serial killer creepy.
Kirsten: Are we at a dead lizard's funeral in your mom's yard?
Travis: You brought this on.
(Trying to order coffee)
Laurie: Oh hey Rache, now bear with me, I have to order for everyone. Okay, I'll have one soy largey, one teeny tiny, one teeny teeny tiny unleaded, one Plain Jane, extra yum - what the hell make it a double yum - a Baby Joey, a Midnight with a Full Moon - hold the pumpkin, a medium coffee, I need a Heavy D in a travel mug please, two Crazy Ivans, a Sauron's Eye. Also I need a 'damn!' and an iced 'damn!,' a Sneaky Pete, a double drip with a snip of whip, and a frap cap heavy on the (makes crushing sound). Oh, and let's see what's fresh...okay, well I'll take three raisin happy muffins, a French mustache, and, ick, a fart muffin - that is not for me. Oh, and I forgot to order my own coffee! Can I get a Taye Diggs, which is black and extra strong and smooth but very sweet?
(After Grayson isn't appropriately sad about the dove dying)
Jules: If it was a person, would you still make jokes?
Grayson: Probably, because it meant they died sprinting into a frying pan.
Travis: My dad isn't just my dad. He's part of the Cul-de-Sac Crew. You meddle with one of them, the entire group responds. They're a collective consciousness like the Children of the Corn.
Bobby: You see those guys over there? One of them just might be a Diet Dr. Pepper executive.
Travis: Or just a doctor with the last name Pepper. I mean, the odds are about the same.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Není proč plakat (No Reason to Cry)
After the opening scenes, the title says New Year's Resolutions: Embrace Our Stupid Title & Lose Six Pounds. Cougar Town (We Love It!)
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: January 5, 2011 on Citytv
Sweden: March 8, 2011 on Kanal 5
United Kingdom: April 12, 2011 on Sky LIVING/Sky LIVING HD
Norway: November 1, 2011 on TVNorge
Czech Republic: November 25, 2011 on ČT1
Finland: July 10, 2012 on MTV3
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