Cougar Town Season 1 Episode 1

Jules: Hey Grayson, you know what drive me nuts?
Grayson: Is it people who start conversations without saying hello?
Jules: No.
Grayson. Is it annoying neighbors?
Jules: No.

Jules: (to Laurie) You have a giant hickey on your chest and I can tell it's Dale's, because whoever did it has a tooth missing!

Jules: I'm guessing the boy I flashed goes to your school.
Travis: Yes he does.
Jules: Is he single? ... Kidding! Why don't you ever laugh at my jokes?
Travis: Because they make me sad.

Jules: You can't wear fake nails on just one hand, it makes you look like a crazy whore.
Laurie: I only had four left and this is the hand I smoke with.

Jules: Can I get you a snack? That's what I do for my son's friends; I get them snacks. Do you like crackers with peanut butter?

Josh: What's that scar from?
Jules: I got knifed as a kid.
Josh: Really?
Jules: No, that's from my c-section!

Jules: You see that young gentleman there, I'd love to lick his body
Woman: That's my son
Jules: Ooh, he looks smart.

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always, Way to go, Tiger!
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.

Jules: Man, you are hot as balls!

Grayson: What really drives you nuts is that you couldn't bag a stud if you tried.
Jules: Hey kid, Pow!!!
(Jules flashes her underwear to a boy passing in a bicycle and he crashes into a parked car infront of him)