Susan relays the events of her date with Steve to Jane and Sally, and Steve does likewise to Jeff and Patrick. None of the four think it went well after Steve, the music critic, confesses a shocking secret to Susan -- he likes Kansas -- and Susan, the chick, confesses a shocking secret to Steve -- she likes Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood -- and both of them were lying. When the friends hear that each one told the other lies (and Susan doesn't even like DSotYYS herself), no one feels this relationship has a leg to stand on. Meanwhile, Jane, traffic reporter for "the #3 morning show in Chicago," tells Susan and Sally about her stalker -- a nerdy, bespectacled guy who's been following her into the bar. Which flatters her. Sally and Jane think Susan's fling is on a fast track to Splitsville when she mentions how she picked up the tab for Steve at dinner, while Jeff and Patrick cheer Steve on for that. In the midst of their relationship troubles, Patrick has car troubles, after he gets an automated photo ticket, and sees for himself how uncool he looks in his roadster. So he sells it and buys a new beast -- which Jeff informs him is a car for men who are "compensating." Now Patrick has to sell it, too, because he thinks he bought a "small penis car" -- unaware that Jeff is simply jealous. When Susan tells the girls that Steve treated her to mind-blowing sex, Sally makes her think it was only because she picked up the check. Jeff tells Steve about the foreplay bank -- every foreplay act a man gives accumulates until the guy can kick back and let her do all the work. Now Steve thinks that the sex he gave Susan was thanks for dinner. Jane is angry when her stalker starts "phoning it in" -- she has to stalk him. Steve and Susan each take their friends' comments to heart, and think they're paying the other one for sex. So Susan turns to Jeff and Patrick for advice, and Steve does likewise with Sally and Jane. Jeff tells Susan that Steve wants more dirty talk, and likes it rough. Sally tells Steve to be more romantic with Susan -- sing her a song, make her a craft. Right before the big date, Jeff and Sally consult, and learn that they just gave horrendous advice. So they all plan a trip to Steve's apartment to put a stop to it. But since Patrick has no car, they have to hitch a ride with Jane's stalker. They don't get there in time, and Steve and Susan make fools of themselves. After turning the date into something they both like, the pair agree to be honest with each other in the future and not turn to their friends for dating advice.