Susan: Okay, rule number one: we stop talking to our friends, and we start talking to each other.
Steve: What's rule number two?
Susan: Actually, that's rule number one through ten, because our friends are such a mess.
Sally: You've been trying on cars?
Patrick: It's strange. Clothes hang perfectly on me. But I have kind of a weird car body.
Steve: Look, I'm willing to try anything -- just to get over this weird hump.
Jane: Well, I think she'd prefer you call it "lovemaking."
Jeff: Hey, spanking! That's what Steve likes!
Jeff: Who doesn't!
Susan: I don't know. That just doesn't sound like Steve. I know him pretty well.
Jeff: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You've known Steve, what, two months? He's been my best friend since college. I think I know what he likes in bed.
Susan: Dirty talk? I can do dirty talk. Right, Patrick?
Patrick: Well... you do naughty talk. Uh, sometimes even nasty talk. But I wouldn't characterize it as "dirty."
Susan: Oh, I can get dirty. Maybe I just wasn't feeling dirty when I was with you.
Patrick: I know you're hurting now. Don't lash out.
Jane: Stalker? Ha! You call that stalking? Look at him! He's just phoning it in! I actually had to follow him here!
Sally: Come on, Susan. In sex, you get what you pay for. It's rule number one.
Jane: I thought it was: location, location, location.
Jeff: Hey, so how goes it with your little clown car?
Patrick: Just sold it. And now I'm the proud owner of the definitive man's car. A brand-new, authentic, military Humvee.
Jeff: Patrick, that's the biggest car on the road! Guys who buy cars like that are... compensating.
Patrick: Oh my God. I bought myself a small penis car. I don't have a small penis. My car's a liar!
Jane: He's relentless! He's been following me everywhere!
Sally: Didn't you call the police?
Jane: The police? Well, that's a little bit harsh.
Susan: But he's stalking you.
Jane: Oh, it's actually kind of flattering. To have someone in your life that's so taken with you that he follows you around and sifts through your garbage.
Steve: It's just that... things are going so well, I almost don't even want to talk about it.
Patrick: We almost don't want you to.
Patrick: You don't understand. It's the principle of the thing. That traffic light had a camera on it. It took my picture. That's a violation of my privacy and my inalienable right... to speed up on yellow.
Aired with truncated opening credits and a new instrumental version of the theme.
This marks the third Phoef Sutton series in a row to feature Jim Rash (following a starring role on Thanks and a guest spot on The Fighting Fitzgeralds).
Originally scheduled to air on October 16, 2003. New episodes of the entire Thursday lineup were pulled on that night when Jeff Zucker decided to roll over and die for the World Series. Coupling was pulled altogether, and replaced with a Whoopi rerun.
Music: "Alison" (Elvis Costello & The Attractions), performed (kinda) by Jay Harrington