Season 1 Episode 1


Aired Unknown May 12, 2000 on BBC Three

Episode Recap

As Steve and Jeff head for the bar, they discuss how Steve will break-up with his girlfriend. As Susan and Sally head for the bar, they discuss the possibility of Susan's boyfriend proposing. Steve tries to explain that he has tried to break-up with his girlfriend the last four time he has seen her, but she forces him to have sex with her by "suggesting it". Steve and Susan both proclaim that they have had excellent sexual experiences with their significant other, but both agree that "one swallow" does not change how the relationships are going.

At the bar, Sally explains to Susan they aren't getting any younger and how she only smiles at single men to accept the loss of facial elasticity. Susan tries to express the dignity of growing older. Outside the bar, Steve describes the sexual teases his girlfriend does in order to keep them together. Jeff explains how Steve is entitled to still have sex with her in the trailing off period of the relationship. Before going, Jeff tries to explain his theory of "unflushables"; people who keep bobbing around and refuse to leave no matter how you try. Steve sends his friend away and enters the bar. As he enters, Susan waves to the man who enters behind him named Patrick. Then enters a woman who happily says "Hi Steve." Reluctantly, Steve complies "Jane."

Steve and Jane

Steve listens to Jane go on about a monotonous conversation she has recently had with her sister. Steve finds the courage to stop her and say the relationship is over. Jane simply says "I don't accept." Since she doesn't get a say in the decisions, Jane refuses to accept it. She then returns to her monologue about her sister.

Susan and Patrick

Sally is disgusted by Patrick's opinion that all women find him attractive. Sally departs to get another drink to allow Susan and Patrick the opportunity to talk. Patrick thinks that their relationship is moving too fast and that they should probably slow down. "What relationship?" asks Susan.

Steve finally proclaims to Jane that it doesn't matter if she accepts or not, she is now dumped. To make her feel better, he states the problem is with him and that she should dump him. Jane declines, so that they can work through all of "his" problems.

Susan tries to explain to Patrick that she never saw what they had as an actual relationship, just fun and casual sex. Patrick tries to back pedal from his previous statements and how he completely agrees with her. They begin to laugh about it when Susan proclaims "It's not like we were being faithful." Patrick gives her a very suprised look.

Steve is pleading to be let free, Jane suggests they give it a year to work through things. Steve is adamant in a year's time he will have murdered her and hacked up her body.

Susan explains to Patrick that since they were only seeing each other once a week it barely constituted a sex life. She then playfully suggests Patrick must have had some "solo flights" when they were apart, then laughs when revealed that Patrick "was saving himself up" for her.

Steve mentions a case of a man named Crippen who killed his wife and was executed. Jane just sees that as an example of a couple trying to work their problems out that just eventually failed.

Susan tries her best to console Patrick, but it doesn't work. Patrick reveals to her that he has been seeing someone. Susan becomes angry with him. Since she was being unfaithful, it was okay for Susan to see other people. Since Patrick was trying to be faithful, he was actually cheating on her with other women.

Steve is determined to leave as Jane tries every sexual ploy at her disposal to get him to stay. Just as he is almost out the door, Jane lets slip about a past relationship with someone named Elizabeth. Jeff stops by and finds Steve frozen at the door and asks how it went. Steve returns to Jane as Jeff sees Susan and heads over to say hi. Steve is shocked about Jane's lesbian encounter and is excited by the prospects this could now lead to.

Susan introduces Patrick to Jeff, who is a co-worker. As Steve quickly drags Jane to the restrooms, Sally explains the recent dumping to Jeff. Susan decides then and there is a good time to use the restroom. Jeff then accuses Patrick of being an "unflushable".

Steve and Jane are making out in the women's lavatory stall unknowing that Susan has entered. Steve tries to discreetly sneak out to get a condom when he trips and lands right in front of Susan. When asked why he is in the ladies room Steve tries to act like he was just going to wash his hands. He is completely embaressed, more so when Susan asks "So how are you these days, Steve?" Susan then explains that they had met previously at an office party Jeff had brought him to. She had tried to talk to him that night, but remembers Steve talking to another woman all night long about Crippen. Susan then asks if he had seen that woman recently. Steve turns on the faucet and asks her to "Define recently." Steve asks Susan out and she accepts. Susan then heads for the now supposedly empty toilet stall. Steve blocks her off and insists that he is still using it. He was just taking a break and goes back into the toilet. Back inside the stall, Jane wants to continue while he doesn't. Steve insists they shouldn't as Jane takes off her clothes, but is startled when he realizes Jane is "shaved".

Susan asks Jeff about Steve, who explains about the "unflushable". Susan thinks she understands, until Jeff says the Steve gets sentimental at the last minute about the unflushable and can't let go. Sally begins to flirt with Patrick, and he is intrigued. Steve and Jane have sex in the ladies restroom stall.

While playing video games at Steve's apartment, he asks Jeff about Susan and how close they are. Jeff says they are close ("I have her cycle in my organizer")and had actually tried going out once. It hadn't worked out because Jeff made Susan nervous. Jeff then asks how things ended with Jane, saying that it could possibly be a problem later on if he and Susan got serious. Steve tells the truth about how he asked out Susan while trying to buy a condom to have sex with Jane. Jeff is impressed and bows before his friend.

At work, Susan asks Jeff about Steve and how close they are. "We're porn buddies", and Jeff explains how if something tragic should happen to one of them it is the duty of the other to remove all the pornography from the ailing friend's home before any relatives can find it. Susan is curious if Jeff is trying to intentionally make her lose interest in Steve, especially considering their one attempt to get together. Susan is still curious what happened to make Jeff so nervous that night. Steve then calls to arrange his date with Susan, Jeff begins to panic.

Getting out of The Zone

Steve calls Jane and is excited when he gets her answering machine. He offers several complements to lessen the blow, but just as he is about to officially break-up with her the answering machine announces that the tape is full.

Jeff tags along as Steve heads out for his date, refusing to leave even after they arrive at the restaurant. Steve is trying to hide out from Jane, who then comes in. Turns out she contacted every cab company to see who had got Steve, and every nearby restaurant to find his reservation. As Steve once again tries to break-up with Jane, Susan walks in an hour early for the date.

Steve goes to Susan as Jeff tries to block Jane. This doesn't work and the women introduce each other. Susan is bothered that Steve has a girlfriend and Jane is bothered that he is trying to see another woman. This fianlly prompts Jane to break-up with Steve, "I just wish you had said something."

As Susan tries to question Steve, Sally walks in with Patrick for their own date. Susan thinks this odd, especially since Sally doesn't even like Patrick. When Susan tries to once again speak to Steve, Jeff interjects and suggests they get a table for six. Susan then brings up her and Jeff's infamous date, and Steve says his is fine with her nervousness. Susan immediately confronts Jeff about this lie and proclaims every little panic attack problem Jeff had that night. In his defense, Jeff said he was faking it all just so he wouldn't have to have sex with her and immediately realizes what a bad defense that was. Jeff tries to explain how much more stressful sex is for men, since women judge things like technique and stamina while men only care about nudity and certain female body parts.

While Steve and Susan both try to get Jeff to leave, Susan jokingly offers to flash a breast. Jeff abruptly accepts. Susan doesn't want to, but Patrick reminds them that since they are in a corner of the restaurant nobody else will see. Sally joins out of curiousity and Jane "likes looking at breasts." Susan still doesn't want to, then Steve joins the others "just in case" she does do it. Susan asks for any requests and Patrick suggests the right one. Turns out he had scrutinized them out of boredom one night while she slept. As the group stares at Susan, a waiter walks up and also gets a glimpse at her exposed breast. Embarressed, Susan requests a table for six.

As the others go to the new table, Steve asks Susan what is going on and if this is still a real date. "Steve, I think in the circumstances, let's just take it one breast at a time."