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(Susan finds Patrick with Steve at the fertility clinic)
Susan: You didn't really think you got to have sex with one of the nurses, did you?
Patrick: I did.
Susan: Patrick, you are a sad and twisted man.
Steve: No, Susan. He did.
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Sally: I'll get the speech about how wonderful I am. Basic rule, isn't it? More wonderful you are at the start of the speech, the more dumped you are at the end.
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Jane: I'm absolutely 100% not pregnant. Look at it, Sally. I'm in the clear. I've shagged and shagged and shagged and all the little bastards missed!
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Jane: I was really suprised when you got it together with Julia. I always pegged you for - well, you know...
Jeff: Gay?
Jane: Dying alone.
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Jeff: So sometimes, ugly people could be really beautiful on the inside.
Jane: No that never happens.
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Sally: I'm going to have a baby!
Susan: Sally...
Sally: A bald noisy thing with eyes is going to crawl out of my genitals and destroy my life. And my mother is going to side with it!
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Jeff: I get very tense around apples... Well, I get very tense generally. I think I've fallen into the trap of blaming fruit.
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Jane: Do people really call me "The one with breasts"?
Susan: Absolutely.
Jane: What do they call you?
Susan: Susan.
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Sally: Are you two absolutely certain you're not pregnant.
Susan: You know, we've got to develop a new form of greeting.
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Steve: I'd like to say for the record that I was against the costumes.
Jeff: I wasn't!
Steve: And the dancing.
Jeff: I invented this dance!
Steve: He wrote it down.
Jeff: I did!
Steve: He's planning to present you with the early scetches.
Jeff: Come on Steve, you know you want to!
Steve: This is a romantic moment Jeff, you sudden death might kill the mood.
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Jeff: Porn-wise, lesbians are like a jam sandwich, without the sandwich and just the jam. Fact, lesbians are just a big blob of jam. Well, not actually. Unless they've exploded in all the lesbonic excitement.