Coupling

At the bar, Steve tells Jeff and Patrick about his disastrous attempt to ask out Susan over the phone (which Jeff is able to compare to the old monster movie "The Blob"). Steve reveals how he was eventually able to compose himself and ask. Susan accepts and offers to cook.

Walking to the bar, Susan is talking to Sally about her accidental blunder of offering to cook dinner. Sally automatically assumes that Susan is sexually propositioning Steve with the offer. "Come and spend the night with me means 'Let's have sex'; I'll cook says 'Let's have sex and I'll cater'." They enter the bar and overhear Jeff trying to help Steve prepare his foreplay for the night. Jeff explains "the sock gap", the crucial time as to when to take off your socks. "No self respecting women will let a man in socks do the squelchy with her."

As Jeff moves on to hints about mental visualization, Steve sees Susan and Sally approaching. The guys are embarrased, but Susan plays along. She inquires if it is always necessary to visualize someone else. Jeff assures her that everyone does, that is why there are so many celebrity marriages (like Posh Spice and David Beckham). If the person you fantasize about meets the person your partner fantasizes about, those people are connected and will feel it. Since Posh and Beckham were "the epi-center of a non-stop nation wide virtual shag, it's no wonder she got pregnant," explains Jeff. "When the van comes for you, Jeff, go quietly," says Susan. Susan reassures Steve that they are just having dinner.

Patrick pulls Sally aside and asks her to go with him to a motor show. Sally agrees, but only as a friend. When she explains that means no sex, Patrick takes the ticket back. Sally returns to Susan to discuss what about Patrick is so special, and how she will have anything except "animals and Tories". Susan reveals Patrick is lucky enough to be a "tripod". Sally gets angry that she has now turned down the prospect of sex with Patrick.

Jeff tries to give more advice to Steve by informing him to check the remotes in Susan's apartment. Patrick returns from the restroom and agrees how much it scared him when he had done that.

Sally seductively approaches Patrick about now going to the motor show. Susan immediately pulls her away to save her from humiliation. Sally is determined to have him, until Susan reveals Patrick is a Tory.

Jane enters the bar with a man named Howard. As Howard leaves to see if his ex-boyfriend is still working the bar, Jane is excited about her date. When Steve asks about Howard obviously being gay, Jane is fine with it since she herself is bi-sexual. Susan asks Steve to accompany her out for their date, while Sally begs for some last minute info about Patrick.

At Susan's apartment, Steve investigates all the remotes as Susan cooks and tells how she told Sally something she probably shouldn't have about Patrick. Steve then discovers none of the remotes even have batteries in them. Susan remembers taking them out and heads into her bedroom to get them back. Steve follows, but as he looks in and hears a humming noise he quickly backs away. Susan returns with the batteries, but then remembers she had just bought a large supply of new ones. Steve begins to get very nervous about everything and inquires about what was told to Sally. Just that Patrick was "a very big boy indeed."

As Patrick and Howard discuss politics, Sally reluctantly (and even disgustedly)agrees with everything said for the prospect of going to the motor show.

Steve and Susan are enjoying their date. Steve then explains that men are more nervous on dates because they are thinking about weather or not they will "get lucky" while the women already know. Susan thought it was because men were concerned about premature ejaculation. She then reassures Steve that he will be getting lucky that night in an attempt to take away the pressure. It doesn't work as Steve weakly accepts and thanks her.

Howard expresses his political views, and Sally is shocked that he agrees with Patrick. "You're gay, you're on our side," proclaims Sally. Jane then tries to explain there is no such thing as a homosexual, just "people-sexual". Jeff comes to the conclusion that sex must be easier for gays because masturbation is considered practice. Sally is offended, but can't continue to discuss politics against the combined arguments of Patrick and Howard. Jeff gets up to use the restroom, but Sally stops him and insists he wait for Patrick.

With dinner over, Steve and Susan lounge on the couch and discuss meeting the past lovers of a current significant other. Patrick is brought up and it does nothing to help Steve's nervousness. As Susan leads him to the bedroom, Steve takes one more look at the empty remotes.

At a private table, Howard tries to make Jane understand they aren't on a date. Jane insists that they are because she is "a little bit gay". When Howard tries to explain how that is another problem, Jane call him a homophobe. Jane expresses that just because Howard is gay doesn't mean he doesn't go out with women. Howard tries to use Jeff and Patrick as example of straight men and that they go with women but he doesn't. Jane just assumes that Jeff and Patrick probably do get together when it is convenient, and that Howard would see that if he wasn't so narrow minded.

As Sally listens to more and more of Patrick's political views, Jeff makes a second attempt for the restroom. Sally stops him, again insisting to wait for Patrick. The bartender then announces Jeff has a phone call.

A weirded out Jeff answers the phone and it turns out to be Steve. But Jeff quickly hangs up the phone when Steve asks him to go to the restroom with Patrick. Jeff then joins Howard and Jane to get away from Sally, but Jane then notices that Patrick is now going to the restroom. Jane insinuates that Jeff should go with Patrick for "a cuddle". Sally grabs Jeff by the collar and drags him to the men's room.

Sally pushes Jeff into the restroom and Jeff slowly joins Patrick at the urinals. Steve sits on Susan's bed and slowly begins to look through the nightstand drawer. Jeff glances at Patrick's penis and is so shocked he begins to stare. Steve is scared at the notion of what he finds in the drawer when he is found out by Susan. Susan realizes what is going on and reassures him by asking "But can it mow the lawn?" She pushes him to the bed and explains she knows exactly what to do to loosen Steve up. She removes his socks and her own neglige. "Now, let's get squelchy," suggests Susan.

Meanwhile at the BBC...
As Angus Deayton (Susan's fantasy) takes a soda from a vending machine he sees Mariella Frostrup (Steve's fantasy). Both feel an instant connection and are drawn to each other. Angus opens his soda and it explodes all over the both of them. He apologizes, but Mariella reassures him "Don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys." Angus takes a moment to think about what just was said and Mariella wonders why she said.