Season 1 Episode 6

The Cupboard of Patrick's Love

Aired Unknown Jun 16, 2000 on BBC Three
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Patrick has a cupboard of video tapes of his former girlfriends, not to mention Britt Ekland in The Wicker Man. Jeff is excited, but Steve is appalled, when he realizes that Susan must be amongst them. Susan is also horrified when she realizes this in the company of the other girls. Later on, she arrives at Patrick's, and is outraged at what she finds going on there.moreless

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  • It's all about porn...

    Jane visits Patrick to heal their "spiritual divide". She stumbles upon his cabinet of videotape recordings of the sexual engagements in his bedroom, including a tape of him with Susan. As Patrick tells this story - complete with interjections from Jeff about Claudia Schiffer, Helen Mirren, Britt Ekland and screen nudity - Steve is incensed that his "naked rights to Susan" are being infringed.

    The men all decide to go back to Patrick's to watch the video and the women arrive there as well for their own reasons. Susan, by now thoroughly annoyed with Patrick and Steve (and Jeff, after finding him there too), is even more livid when she realises that Patrick's taped over her, and yet more angry when the video turns out not to feature her at all, a fact that eluded the men despite having watched it for five minutes. In her fury she breaks up with Steve, who subsequently gets very drunk with Patrick and Jeff.

    All is lost... but wait, who's that at the door? Jeff drags himself onto Steve's bed and exclaims, "Look, Steve. It's Britt Ekland".moreless
  • Patrick's sexual history...apparently Susan's in there. But is there anyone else in there that we know of..?

    The finale to the first series. And a bloody cracker, too! Patrick videos his experiences, which is highly amusing to the boys, until Steve remembers that Susan used to go out with Patrick.

    "You've got a tape of my girlfriend!"

    "At the time she was MY girlfriend!"

    Steve doesn't want to see it, in case she did stuff with Patrick that she doesn't do with him. Of course he wants to see it! Jeff wants to see it because, well Jeff has absolutely no standards. The girls are curious..or is it jealous? Sally missed her 'go' with Patrick, and Jane's 'go' was interrupted...Stay tuned for series 2!moreless
  • This episode is about Patrick in his hobby of taping his sexual partners. Steve\'s uneasyness about a tape of Suesan. Suesan wanting steve to not see the tape. Jane\'s Lonelyness and Sally wanting to stay young forever in The Cupboard of Patrick\'s Love.moreless

    Warning there are spoilers\"

    This is a really good episode. I remember watching this episode it was the first episode where you see Patrick\'s flat. Also it is the first almost break up of Susan and Steve. Also you see Jane\'s first someone using the heal our spiritual divide common. \"I only wish to heal the size of your loneliness.\" Also they reuse the theme of Patrick and his partner \"Junior Patrick.\"the name of Patrick\'s penis would come up later in the second season of coupling. I really enjoyed this episode. I would it funny and a classic episode to say the least.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (15)

    • Sally: You really don´t have enough blood for both ends of your body, do you Patrick?
      Patrick: And that's a guarantee.

    • Jeff: There's a supermodel who shags total prats and I don't know where she lives...

    • (Susan walks in wearing a coat. Steve wakes up and sees her)
      Steve: Susan?
      Susan: Propose.
      Steve: Propose?
      Susan: Right now. Propose. I may say yes. I may say no. I may or may not be wearing anything underneath this coat.
      (She takes off her coat, to reveal she is in fact naked)
      Steve: There is only one way I know this is real life, and not just a very good dream.
      Susan: What's that?
      Steve: The usual...
      (Jeff unearths from behind the bed, and sees Susan naked)
      Jeff: Steve... It's Brit Ekland.

    • Sally: Oh Jane, Steve's nice but Patrick's enormous.
      Jane: Really?
      Sally: It's like scientists crossed a donkey with a pole vaulter. According to Susan.

    • Steve (talking to Jeff): So, you're telling us as a young child and despite the obvious electrical dangers, you sexually assaulted the television set during Songs of Praise?
      Patrick: Is... is that what happened to your hair?

    • Jeff: You know, when I was a kid, I used to write the word 'naked' hundreds of times on a bit of paper, and then rub my face in it.

    • Sally: Bottoms are our natural enemy... They follow us around our entire lives, right behind us, and constantly growing. How do they do that? I'm sure mine's back there secretly snacking.

    • Susan: We're talking about men. They regard nose-picking as the bright side of flu.

    • Jane: I went on a course. Learning to love yourself. I came top.

    • Sally:(wistfully) I could've been forever young in the cupboard of Patrick's love.

    • Jane: I really thought I'd gone to his house, you know, to heal our spiritual divide. But it turns out I was just gagging for a shag. Those two are so similar.

    • (while Jeff watches the porn, Susan walks up behind him)
      Jeff (singing): Susan, Susan! Susan, Susan! Naked Susan! Susan! Susan, Susan, Susan! Susaaaaannnn! (he stops).
      Susan: Well? Aren't you gonna continue with your song?
      Jeff: Na...
      Susan: Why not?
      Jeff: I've forgotten the words.

    • Jane: Those aren't films. These are women you've slept with. You videotaped all the women you've had sex with, haven't you?
      Patrick: I can explain. Yes, I have.
      Jane: And you keep them in a cupboard like a lot of old movies... How do you think they'd feel if they knew? (takes a tape off of shelf) How do you think Barbarella would feel?
      Patrick: Actually, that is a movie.

    • (in response to Susan finding out Steve and Patrick were watching porn)
      Steve: We were just watching something.
      Susan: Really, what?
      Steve: Jenny Agutter.
      Susan: Jenny Agutter...
      Patrick: Walkabout! We're watching Walkabout.
      Susan: Oh, you're upset that Jenny Agutter's never gone on an aboriginal walkabout with you?
      Steve: I admit I was surprised at the strength of my own response.
      Steve: I think they found a lake...

    • Jeff: You don't have, like, no heads and three asses, which would be great if you like asses, but it would be rubbish for a modeling career, or screen nudity. Actually, that would be great for screen nudity...

  • NOTES (1)

    • This is the first appearance of The Cupboard. The Cupboard figures into a couple of other episodes, which expand on information stated during this episode.


    • Jeff's comments about Sharon Stone and a "small comb" are references to the movie Basic Instinct, and Sharon's notorious leg crossing scene where she wore no underwear.

    • Jeff asking Steve how he felt, as they were leaving Patrick's, and Steve's response of "Flushed" is a nice circle back to the beginning of the series, a nod to the title of the first episode as well as to Jeff's naming of the situation.