Season 1 Episode 6

The Cupboard of Patrick's Love

Aired Unknown Jun 16, 2000 on BBC Three



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Sally: You really don´t have enough blood for both ends of your body, do you Patrick?
      Patrick: And that's a guarantee.

    • Jeff: There's a supermodel who shags total prats and I don't know where she lives...

    • (Susan walks in wearing a coat. Steve wakes up and sees her)
      Steve: Susan?
      Susan: Propose.
      Steve: Propose?
      Susan: Right now. Propose. I may say yes. I may say no. I may or may not be wearing anything underneath this coat.
      (She takes off her coat, to reveal she is in fact naked)
      Steve: There is only one way I know this is real life, and not just a very good dream.
      Susan: What's that?
      Steve: The usual...
      (Jeff unearths from behind the bed, and sees Susan naked)
      Jeff: Steve... It's Brit Ekland.

    • Sally: Oh Jane, Steve's nice but Patrick's enormous.
      Jane: Really?
      Sally: It's like scientists crossed a donkey with a pole vaulter. According to Susan.

    • Steve (talking to Jeff): So, you're telling us as a young child and despite the obvious electrical dangers, you sexually assaulted the television set during Songs of Praise?
      Patrick: Is... is that what happened to your hair?

    • Jeff: You know, when I was a kid, I used to write the word 'naked' hundreds of times on a bit of paper, and then rub my face in it.

    • Sally: Bottoms are our natural enemy... They follow us around our entire lives, right behind us, and constantly growing. How do they do that? I'm sure mine's back there secretly snacking.

    • Susan: We're talking about men. They regard nose-picking as the bright side of flu.

    • Jane: I went on a course. Learning to love yourself. I came top.

    • Sally:(wistfully) I could've been forever young in the cupboard of Patrick's love.

    • Jane: I really thought I'd gone to his house, you know, to heal our spiritual divide. But it turns out I was just gagging for a shag. Those two are so similar.

    • (while Jeff watches the porn, Susan walks up behind him)
      Jeff (singing): Susan, Susan! Susan, Susan! Naked Susan! Susan! Susan, Susan, Susan! Susaaaaannnn! (he stops).
      Susan: Well? Aren't you gonna continue with your song?
      Jeff: Na...
      Susan: Why not?
      Jeff: I've forgotten the words.

    • Jane: Those aren't films. These are women you've slept with. You videotaped all the women you've had sex with, haven't you?
      Patrick: I can explain. Yes, I have.
      Jane: And you keep them in a cupboard like a lot of old movies... How do you think they'd feel if they knew? (takes a tape off of shelf) How do you think Barbarella would feel?
      Patrick: Actually, that is a movie.

    • (in response to Susan finding out Steve and Patrick were watching porn)
      Steve: We were just watching something.
      Susan: Really, what?
      Steve: Jenny Agutter.
      Susan: Jenny Agutter...
      Patrick: Walkabout! We're watching Walkabout.
      Susan: Oh, you're upset that Jenny Agutter's never gone on an aboriginal walkabout with you?
      Steve: I admit I was surprised at the strength of my own response.
      Steve: I think they found a lake...

    • Jeff: You don't have, like, no heads and three asses, which would be great if you like asses, but it would be rubbish for a modeling career, or screen nudity. Actually, that would be great for screen nudity...

  • Notes

    • This is the first appearance of The Cupboard. The Cupboard figures into a couple of other episodes, which expand on information stated during this episode.

  • Allusions

    • Jeff's comments about Sharon Stone and a "small comb" are references to the movie Basic Instinct, and Sharon's notorious leg crossing scene where she wore no underwear.

    • Jeff asking Steve how he felt, as they were leaving Patrick's, and Steve's response of "Flushed" is a nice circle back to the beginning of the series, a nod to the title of the first episode as well as to Jeff's naming of the situation.