Oh sure, Covert Affairs, sink the ship just when they were starting to act like adults tasked with defending 'MURCA and FREEDOM again–or at least, as much as Annie and Auggie (but mostly Annie) ever did. Was the break-up scene sad? Idk. I was too busy trying to reconcile the amount of time I've lost trying to accept Augnie–time that I will never get back–to invest too much emotion in their parting of ways. It's a shame too, because I think we were really close to a breakthrough on this end. So close to not gagging like a grade-schooler every time either of them opened their face-hole! So close!
But alas, the good ship Augnie is not to be. Yet. The obvious Covert Affairs endgame is obvious, but fine, fine, I'll play along for now. For all the foreshadowing and teasing that's been part of Covert Affairs' standard operating procedures since preeeetty much the beginning of the series, Annie and Auggie's official relationship status did feel a wee bit sudden this season. They were practically siblings for the first 2.5 seasons of the show! You can't just have them start sucking face like that, near death and disastrous other relationships aside. Half the time I couldn't figure out if I was grossed out or not because, you know, cooties and stuff.
Sinking the ship at this point in the season also served to give Annie and Auggie a little bit of street cred back. Surprise-not-dead Helen warned Annie that Henry Wilcox would use Annie's willingness to break the rules for true lurve and a certain August Anderson against her and that's 100% correctamundo. Half the time, Annie doesn't even need much outside convincing to ditch God and country and common sense for her latest B-friend. RIP, SIMON! Sorry that whole "running away together and living happily ever after while spending the rest of your natural lives trying to stay one step ahead of every single government" plan didn't work out for you!
Our mission this week was about as straight-forward as it gets, blah blah rocket launchers–outside of Auggie's late "wife" being a little more alive than he expected after seven years. She played it cool at first and stuck to the story: that their marriage had only ever been a cover and Auggie was the one who couldn't keep real life and spy life separate. In the end, we found out that she was just as invested in their sham marriage, but blew her cover and subsequently faked her death to protect Auggie because no one can resist Auggie.
Except Arthur. I guess they're not pals anymore because Arthur knew Helen was alive the whole time and didn't tell Auggie BECAUSE THEY'RE SPIES. THEY'RE FREAKING SPIES. NOT TELLING PEOPLE THINGS IS PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE JOB DESCRIPTION. I expect this sort of dimwitted romantic temper tantrum crap from Annie but Auggie is supposed to be the grounded one. Joan even said so when Auggie shooed his friends away with pizza money so he could sneak over to Langley and ask her why she paired him with Annie. Why he couldn't just pick up the phone, I'm not entirely sure. He's blind, not deaf. Also, phones for the hearing impaired are totally a thing so even if he was momentarily deafened by the sound of his own internal rendition of "Teenage Dream," the cross-town trek to literally ask the woman a single question just seemed like an excuse to change up the sets or give Kari Matchett some screen time.
Anyway, "Auggie grounds Annie." Um. Have you been watching Captain Romance justify every possible argument against workplace fraternization this season? Cuz he has. Annie isn't even his first spy-girlfriend either. However, his slightly-overbearing, definitely over-protective behavior isn't entirely new–we saw it with Parker, especially after their little pirate cruise together. Maybe Auggie is just one of those annoying boyfriends.
Annie is by no means off the hook, but in recent episodes, her ability to balance her job and her personal life has actually gotten better. Sure, balancing all the lies and secrets and maintaining the required spy boundaries was hard and forced Annie and Auggie's relationship into rough territory before they even got to peeing-with-the-door open status, but really, the relationship was in its infancy when they punted it. Any relationship goes through that awkward adjustment phase where you have to see how all the romance fits in with the rest of your life–even non-spy hook-ups. That Auggie and Annie couldn't make it work right now certainly doesn't mean the end of them as a potential future thing, and even though I've spent the entirety of this season thus far deriding them for being actual children about it the entire time, maybe their sudden break is indicative of their returning maturity, maturity and understanding that they needed from the very beginning of their fling if it was ever going to move past being a top secret office romance. In the official count of TV break-ups, Auggie and Annie's was rather civil, mutual, and baggage-free.
There's hope for them yet.
In the meantime, can we go back to Joan and Arthur being awesome? It's been awhile.
– When Helen was sassing Annie about her poor decision making skills, Annie sassed back and said her decisions have served her well so far. Oh, Annie.
– My goodness, Auggie gets a lot of nookie this season. #GetSome
– "Crackity Jones" is a Pixies song, like every episode title this season, and it's episodes like this where I wish I was more versed in my Pixies knowledge.
– On that note, I'm interested to know how the powers that be over at Covert Affairs decide which musicians they're going to mine for episode titles. So far we've had Led Zeppelin, R.E.M., David Bowie, and the Pixies. Clearly, good taste all around, so do you think it's just like an office pool or bloodsport or what?
– Do you think Augnie will sail again by the end of the season? Is the break-up sincere or just a ruse to throw Wilcox off?
AIRED ON 12/18/2014
Season 5 : Episode 16