I don't know about you, but I'm lost and my GPS is giving me that look again.
4.0
After far too long a wait, there's a new Criminal Minds episode, and, we're promised, a chance to delve into the character of fan favorite Dr. Spencer Reid. Yessssss! The shouts of excitement and anticipation are louder than the towel waving crowds at Heinz Stadium during the Playoffs. Since MGG's injury last season it has been far too long since we've seen Reid at his best, putting together the clues while bringing the team together as eps that surround his character seem to do. Yep, they all pull together for Reid – see Derailed, Revelations, Memoriam. We've missed that camaraderie, that family feeling that he inspires, and cannot wait to see what this 'headache and hallucinations' thing is really about. They've promised us secrets this year, and, frankly, we've seen precious few in and among the eps that have strained our credulity, have stifled our praise and have given us absolutely nothing to cheer about and a ridiculous new character to despise. Okay, so maybe the anticipation had us get our hopes up way too high because now they've been crushed on the jagged rocks of stupidity. Too dramatic, you say? Well, I had managed to drum up a positive attitude about Corazon, so you'll have to forgive me my bitterness.
Scene 1 – not a bad set up, if you ask me. Reid fidgeting alone in a hospital waiting room, head down, shades on, mismatched socks in evidence. Nice directing of the disjointed montage scenes. I'm still excited, wondering what kind of diagnosis our hero is getting. A blinding headache for "not long," just two days, yikes! Sounds like some of my more persistent migraines. But then I look around and see … no one. Okay, Reid's a big boy; he doesn't need big brother Morgan to hold his hand, or weird Aunt Penelope. The loneliness factor tugs at the heartstrings, so, good, okay, let's go!
Scene 2 – and we're suddenly making a wrong turn down a one-way street that has Garcia playing JJ once again. Oh, come on! I thought we were over this need to pretend that wild child, soft hearted Garcia could possibly step into JJ's stiletto professionalism? And, yep, there's the blaring car horn – Garcia's mouth opens up and cheapens the horrible degradation of mutilated bodies showing up behind her.
And here's where it all slides down into the sinkhole where bad episodes reside – not only because Cadet Trainee Expert Profiler Mary Sue Seaver won't go back to the academy where she belongs, not only because Garcia isn't JJ and no one seems to notice, not only because my favorite characters no longer have any more depth to them than cardboard cutouts of the deeply involving characters they used to be. It is all that, but it's also the fact that these mind-numbingly boring people are simply saying lines to each other, trotting out words and phrases and clauses about murders and death and Island religion cum Catholicism that should be riveting and frightening and horrifying ... and it just ... isn't.
Reid sits alone in the dark on the plane. I realize he's in character here, hurting so much he doesn't want to move or speak, really - those headaches are like that. But that also means there is no spark, no glimpse of that Reid character we love, for plot's sake. And that means all our wishes for some good angst, or good-natured protectiveness, or ANY emotional attachment goes out the window.
The characters are barely interacting. They're even barely moving in some scenes, just standing there across mutilated remains or horrible photos mouthing lines. Reid and Morgan sit across from a man clutching a Chihuahua and seem half-asleep. Hotch, wait, Hotch is here somewhere, isn't he? Holding up that suit very nicely, but never really leading. Rossi ... well, he holds up Reid's vest at the end, so he's there, too. And, in what should be a dramatic, scary, surreal scene, Reid sits across the table from a chanting, possessed voodoo priest and has absolutely no reaction.
Huh? There were so many times I thought to myself, they're dragging me along in this ep, explainy, talky, making conclusions about the unsub while staring at each other and I'm along for the ride. And it's not like a roller coaster ride, or even a nice, casual spin through the country. Nope. It's a boring, sighing, jerky, stop and go trip to work through bad traffic on a Tuesday morning – when the end is nowhere even in sight.
Sure, Reid puts together all the clues in a way that only that famous brain can – I suppose some might call them hallucinations, but it looks more like stream of consciousness to me. Still wondering why he takes off his vest, but I digress. That scene in the boarded up home was awkward and badly acted all around. Reid doesn't seem clever or hero-ish or particularly angsty – just kinda pathetic. The Unsub is a moron whose character they didn't even attempt to flesh out. Wham, bam, no thank you ma'am, and it's over. Oh, Hotch has an almost important insight into Reid's health.
Last Scene – This is where the train comes off the rails for good. No physical cause of your ailment, Dr. Reid. Psychosomatic. Reid's afraid the doc's talking about mental illness – apparently, that's why he's been so upset: Mother Diana's schizoid tendencies are making him sweat. The nice, startled doctor watches the supposedly intelligent agent storm off.
So, I ask again, where are we and where are we going? Hotch should already be on the phone to get Reid checked out. Reid should be confined to a desk until these headaches abate. Reid should have turned in his gun the minute he realized he could not be trusted to aim it in the right direction. Migraines, brain tumor, food allergies, poison, voodoo – heck, I'd accept anything at this point that didn't turn Reid into the wallpaper, background only 'desk guy' while Super Duper Agent Ashley went into the field with all the other experts in his place. And where else can we be going? Are we doing the psych route? Because that will get him canned in a heartbeat! And with the lack of compassion on anyone's part in this ep, I'm sure the rest of the team would shrug, nod knowingly and say, "Well, it had to happen sometime," while they skipped merrily off with newbie Seaver.
What are the writers doing? Writing themselves into another corner like they did with Reid's drug addiction? What could possibly happen in the next ep to keep Reid in the field with the team?
I'm guessing this malady will simply *pop* disappear. When in doubt, pretend it never happened, right CM writers? That was some secret, huh viewers? On to the next plot.
The secret is how this show could still be getting such high reviews, here and in the Nielsens.