Criminal Minds

Hotchner: Is there a problem?
JJ: I'm pregnant.
Prentiss: Oh my god! JJ! Congratulations! (hugs JJ)
Will: I've asked JJ to marry me.
JJ: Will!
Will: We're working out some kinks.

Will: Look, the first thing a cop does when she gets pregnant is she takes herself out of the field.
JJ: Look, you know what? We only have until seven, so can we just argue about names and cribs?
Will: Only if you let me win. (kisses JJ on the cheek)
JJ: Not a chance.

Morgan: BAU wears people out, man. Look at Gideon... That man was the best and, in the end, he simply ran away. I mean, Hotch hasn't even thought about crackin' a smile in over a year. That man has to take a personal day just so he can have a conversation with his own kid. What about you? How many times you been married?
Rossi: I get it. But I'll make you a deal: if I think you're losing it I'll pull you out myself. But right now? I see someone who wants to get back on the job. Or, is there another reason why you haven't even touched that beer?

Reid: It's crazy, but it's ingenious. They get a practice run and, if someone catches the shooter, they think they just have a murderer. The cell isn't compromised.
Kate Joyner: It's lo-fi. Smartest way to plan for a terrorist event.
Hotchner: Creating panic ensures that they see the most urgent response times, short of a bombing.

Garcia: (boarding the jet) How come I only get to travel with you guys, like, once every two years?
Morgan: Trust me, Mama, it can get old.
Garcia: Oh, right, like the way that spa treatments in five-star hotels can get old.
Prentiss: (to Morgan) Remember the time when we got on board and they hadn't chilled the Cristal?
Morgan: Ooh, I almost quit the BAU that day.

Prentiss: We're only here to help. Think of us as a resource.
Det. Cooper: Okay. Profile me. What am I thinking?
Prentiss: (laughs) It's never gonna happen.
Det. Cooper: No offense, but, we've had five murders. I hope it gets better than that.

Hotchner: So you're getting resistance from NYPD?
Kate Joyner: It's nothing I wasn't expecting. They're good detectives. Just, no self-respecting cop wants to have his arse kicked by some broad with a posh British accent.

Reid: I'd like to get a map of the borough. I want to do a comprehensive geographical profile of the area in order to ascertain the unsub's mental map, before it's clouded by our own linkage blindness.
Det. Brustin: (smirking) I see you brought your own computer.

Morgan: That's a tarot card. Death.
Det. Cooper: Isn't that a little on the nose? Even for a psycho?