Criminal Minds

Elle: (reading the headline) Stripping Bandit. That's terrible. That makes it sound like the bandit's doing the stripping.
Reid: What would you call him?
JJ: Pervert.
Elle: Scumbag.
Morgan: I'd call him an ass.
Hotchner: Hey, focus, please.

Elle: (handing key to Morgan outside Sheppard's locked motel room) Key?
Morgan: (getting ready to kick down the door) No, I got one.

Elle: (via phone to Morgan inside JJ's Paradise) Hardcore or not, you've got the wrong scumbag.

Haley: (via phone discussing Jack's medical condition) At home with my mom. I didn't want him here while we were talking. Look, I know this job is important to you, but we're important, too.
Hotchner: You don't have to tell me that.
Haley: I don't want you to wake up some day in some random city and realize that you don't know your own son.

Hotchner: How are we doing?
Agent Wallace: Five minutes.
Hotchner: Make it three.

Reid: An unsub who may or may not have had inside help.
Gideon: I think it's time to talk to the bank manager.

Gideon: Save one life, we save the world.
Hotchner: Yeah. Well, there's one thing I didn't tell the trainees.
Gideon: What's that?
Hotchner: We do not get paid enough.
Gideon: You got that right.

Hotchner: It doesn't make sense, they're children.
Gideon: He's playing out a fantasy.
Hotchner: Yes, but it's his fantasy and it's someone else's children.

Hotchner: It took you nine minutes to call 9-1-1.
Bill Henderson: I was collecting the tapes.
Hotchner: Before you called 9-1-1?

Garcia: 'kay. I got access to four bank robberies with security footage. What do I get to do with them?
Hotchner: You know your digital perspective whatever software?
Garcia: Digital Perspective Analysis Rendering?
Hotchner: Yeah.
Garcia: Honey, not only do I know it, I helped develop it.

Gideon: Ready?
Morgan: Let's go rob a bank.

Garcia: (Hotchner asks her to look at surveillance footage) Honey, if he opens his mouth, I'll tell you the length of his teeth.
Hotchner: Just keep it clean. And don't call me "honey."