Criminal Minds

Season 6 Episode 15

Today I Do

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Feb 16, 2011 on CBS

Episode Fan Reviews (7)

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out of 10
452 votes
  • An unfair score, you say? Perhaps. But the abysmal, haphazard writing has finally combined with lackadaisical, uninterested characterization to unleash a fatal poison that has turned this once brilliant show into a limping ghost.

    Bleach. By itself, a fantastic cleansing agent. Whites are whiter, stains disappear, the slate is wiped clean.

    Ammonia. Perfect for my messy windows. Or for bringing a fainting lady back to consciousness.

    But together? Toxic, sometimes fatal results.

    And now, Criminal Minds is unconscious, chloramine gas filling its once clear, oxygenated lungs, searing along its, obviously metaphorical, throat, gouging out deep wounds.

    Painfully horrible plot-and- character-stealing writing has finally combined with flat, boring, utterly inane characterization to complete the fatal poisoning of this show. The most interesting, most talked about character of this season has become Sergio the cat.

    Kathy Bates has been reincarnated as a totally crack!brained life coach whose back-story is so full of holes it can be used to drain the spaghetti-twisted reasoning of these oh-so-brilliant profilers. Just try to watch Misery and Single White Female at the same time and you'll have a better story than this one. Even if you watch it in Sanskrit. Without subtitles.

    So, the story - not the first story stolen from true crime novels or Saturday night television movies from the 1980s (and I'm just talking this season, folks) - was utterly forgettable. And illogical. And jammed together so haphazardly that the viewer is left to trot behind the BAU saying, "what?" "her grandparents?" "water burial equals female? Well, I'll have to inform the Navy!"

    The second ingredient for our poison-bomb then rears its ugly head. The team - this round table full of quirky knights and insightful heroes, the family that we've grown to care about for five years: afterthoughts mouthing empty phrases that don't even hang together for the few minutes they're on the screen.

    The recent focus on the unsubs is now explained. The writers have become completely uninterested in Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Morgan, and Prentiss. And that other girl that trails along making random insights. The writers they've hired to replace the GOOD writers who were either fired after the strike or have been lured away to the spin-off don't know our characters. And couldn't care less. So, I ask you, why should we?

    Hotch no longer leads. Rossi, one of the men who began the BAU, is now schooled by a cadet. Reid still gets a few good scenes and a handful of humorous lines, thank God. Morgan flexes. And Prentiss minces around with her phone glued to her ear ignoring the team around her who actually work for the FBI and might help. These once vital, once intriguing characters are yawn-worthy cardboard props for bad stories and hopeless directing.

    Together, these two wrongs don't make a right – they make a boring, predictable, not-suspenseful crime procedural that has been gutted and left to rot, not unlike one of its victims.

    I blame the spin-off. Money siphoned off has led to JJ's dismissal and Emily's long drawn-out (and yet, blasé) B-story. Waning interest on the production side has focused all the intensity on a new venue (which resembles nothing more than a cookie-cutter, "younger, cooler" clone) and has stolen CM's mojo. The ratings confirm this. Bernero and his buddies have torpedoed CM – and quite successfully! – in order to ramp up interest in its squalling newborn.

    I won't drink the Kool-aid. The not-so-subtle machinations of producers and network execs leave me icy.

    Barring an injection of interest and enthusiasm from the back-office, I believe this series – the patient in my little hokey analogy – is in a persistent vegetative state. Emphasis on persistent. Give it back its organs, Bernero: stop harvesting the life from this established show to hook up your Frankenstein monster. I, for one, won't be lurching along behind it just to see where it goes.