CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Nick: What's hot, cramped, and full of other people's hair? Hodges: As I've often said, that's your job.

Catherine: Did you do a wet mount? Doc Robbins: Sure did. Found motile sperm in the vaginal cavity. Catherine: Well, Warrick found several used condoms at the scene. Killer must have run out, and started riding bareback. Doc Robbins: Eh, I'm not sure he rode anything at all. There's an absence of trauma in the vaginal cavity. Catherine: Enough to rule out rape? Doc Robbins: Yeah. The semen was found at a depth not indicative of penile penetration. In this case, only a couple inches in. Catherine: Maybe that's all the killer had to work with.

Grissom: So the kid denies jacking the Hummer. Says he's never even been in one. Grissom: We matched his blood on the gearshift and on the headband I found in the alley. Brass: And he's skinny, which matches one of the descriptions. I'm charging him.

Grissom: Well, at least we know one thing about the driver. (looks at the airbag, that has blood on it) He's had a face lift.

Grissom: Tough shift, huh? Nick: Just another day in paradise.

Prostitute (in bed with a body builder who had been overusing steroids): Oh, baby, looks like you have one muscle that isn't hard.

Warrick: She's 29 and already over the hill. Jacqui: Please tell me that you're kidding. Warrick: This town has different standards.

Catherine: I heard you were looking for the student directory for Butterfield Academy. (She gives the Student Directory to Nick) Nick: Yeah. Yeah. How'd you get this? I talked to the headmaster. He wouldn't give me jack. Catherine: I pay tuition. Nick: Your daughter goes to Butterfield? Catherine: Mm-hmm. Nick: Wow. That's a little pricey. Catherine: She was at a crossroads and I, uh, needed to put her in a school with tighter reins. You know, when it comes to your kids, you, uh, find the money. Nick: Yeah. Catherine: You looking for a prom date? Nick (chuckles): No. I'm trying to I.D. A victim. Thanks for this.

Hodges: How old were you when you first got drunk? Nick: Oh, 16... 17... Hodges: Amortized over a generation, 12's about right? Nick: So you're saying, two generations from now, four-year-olds are just gonna be getting trashed? Hodges: Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

Greg: This is just like that Edgar Allen Poe story where the victim's heart under the floorboards betrays the murder. Grissom: "The Tell-Tale Heart." I thought you didn't like reading the classics. Greg: I do when they're about dismembered bodies.

Vernon: Naw, Dawgs, yo, I jacked a 40, not no car, a'ight? Brass: Yeah, a'ight ... One Cent, let's go

Brass (to Grissom): What, did you piss off Ecklie again? This is a hit-and-run. I was expecting Greg Sanders.

Brass: Let me get this straight, Larry. An old man refuses to let you steal his money, so you jack a Hummer and try to run over his taco stand? Larry: Maybe. Grissom: I think this is the dumbest thing we've ever heard.

(while Grissom listens) Greg: Sara, I just want you to know that when we were in the shower together, I didn't see anything. Sara: Really? Gosh, I saw everything. (Grissom stops and stares as Sara and Greg continue through the hallway)