CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 5 Episode 16

(Catherine arrives at her crime scene to find Grissom there)
Catherine: Grissom. What's the deal? Now you're arriving at my crime scenes before me?
Grissom: Weren't you on a 4-19 in north town?
Catherine: Guess you missed me.

Grissom: This table is cracked and we have what appears to be ejaculate.
Greg: Me too. This guy was a machine.
Grissom: And he got around. (nods towards the broken table) Have Sara process the sheets and then pull the hotel surveillence.
Greg: Gotcha. We need to see who came... and went. (Grissom gives him a look)

Sara: Until Mia processes the sheet there's no way to know if the semen was a result self-service only.
Greg: No way. Soft porn couldn't have cracked that table. (Sara smiles)

(After patting Grissom's butt)
Lady: Gay guy, fat girl, it's not unheard of.

Greg: That means she slept with a dead guy. She's not only a killer she's a necrophiliac. That's what I call enjoying your work. (they review the tape some more)
Sara: She's trashed. Maybe she passed out.
Greg: How drunk do you have to be to sleep next to a decomposing body? The smell alone is an alarm clock.
Sara: Not next to him, on top of him.

Officer Metcalf: Walk softly. You don't want to cause a stampede.
Sara: I am going to remember that you said that, Metcalf, especially after these ladies sue you and the police for discrimination, you genius.

Warrick: Who do you like?
Catherine: Charlotte. My mom grew up in North Carolina.
Warrick: Okay, I'll give you Charlotte +2.
Catherine: What do I get if I win?
Warrick: How about a fabulous dinner?
Catherine: I'll take your action.

Catherine: The only thing that sports book means to me is guys without showers.
Warrick (laughs): That's actually true.
Catherine: Yeah I know.

Regina: That's some tickler you got there.
Grissom: Excuse me?
Regina (motions to her cheek and chin... meaning Grissom's beard): You got everything you need to please a woman.

(Nick finds some C-Notes in a beaver dam)
Catherine: Damn. These beavers do nice work.
Nick: They should do a commercial for the city: "Las Vegas -- where even the beaver can strike it rich!"

Det. Vartaan: A hogs 'n heifers convention. Hudson wasn't fat. What was he doing here?
Grissom: Maybe he used to be.
Greg: Or maybe he was a chubby chaser. (Grissom looks at Greg and Greg shrugs) Hey, some men like curves.
Det. Vartaan: There's curves, and then there's rolls.. Look, have tons of fun. I got a murder-suicide to cover.

Greg: How much does this thing weigh?
Grissom: 240 pounds. We'll increase the weight incrementally until you can't move.
Greg: Well, I can't lift that. And if I can't you can't. This is a safety issue.
Sara: Well, that's what the pulley is for Greg. So relax and lay down on your back.
Greg (climbing onto the mattress): You know, this is exactly like a dream I had, except it wasn't in a garage, and Grissom wasn't watching. That was another dream. (a weighted dummy is placed on top of Greg, who is lying on the a mattress)
Sara: How's it feel dreamer?
Greg: Like 240 pounds of pure woman.
Grissom: How's your breathing?
Greg (pushing the dummy off of him): Limited.
Grissom (to Sara): Okay, add another 40 pounds. (she adds the weight and they place the dummy back on Greg)
Grissom: Well, the position is consistant with the victim. Face up, right arm is pinned.
Sara: If we could leave the dummy on long enough we could actually match the blanching.
Greg (with the dummy still on him): Yeah, guys, help.
Grissom: Oh. (lifts the dummy off Greg)

Sara: It's not like you to get right down to business.
Hodges: Even I have off days, Sara.