CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Brass: Lou Barns, big money runner. Still living at your mom's house? (suspect sways in his chair) Hey, buddy! Focus! You all right? (suspect collapses out of his chair and onto the floor) Guess not.

(Catherine arrives at her crime scene to find Grissom there) Catherine: Grissom. What's the deal? Now you're arriving at my crime scenes before me? Grissom: Weren't you on a 4-19 in north town? Catherine: Guess you missed me.

Grissom: This table is cracked and we have what appears to be ejaculate. Greg: Me too. This guy was a machine. Grissom: And he got around. (nods towards the broken table) Have Sara process the sheets and then pull the hotel surveillence. Greg: Gotcha. We need to see who came... and went. (Grissom gives him a look)

Sara: Until Mia processes the sheet there's no way to know if the semen was a result self-service only. Greg: No way. Soft porn couldn't have cracked that table. (Sara smiles)

(After patting Grissom's butt) Lady: Gay guy, fat girl, it's not unheard of.

Greg: That means she slept with a dead guy. She's not only a killer she's a necrophiliac. That's what I call enjoying your work. (they review the tape some more) Sara: She's trashed. Maybe she passed out. Greg: How drunk do you have to be to sleep next to a decomposing body? The smell alone is an alarm clock. Sara: Not next to him, on top of him.

Officer Metcalf: Walk softly. You don't want to cause a stampede. Sara: I am going to remember that you said that, Metcalf, especially after these ladies sue you and the police for discrimination, you genius.

Warrick: Who do you like? Catherine: Charlotte. My mom grew up in North Carolina. Warrick: Okay, I'll give you Charlotte +2. Catherine: What do I get if I win? Warrick: How about a fabulous dinner? Catherine: I'll take your action.

Catherine: The only thing that sports book means to me is guys without showers. Warrick (laughs): That's actually true. Catherine: Yeah I know.

Regina: That's some tickler you got there. Grissom: Excuse me? Regina (motions to her cheek and chin... meaning Grissom's beard): You got everything you need to please a woman.

(Nick finds some C-Notes in a beaver dam) Catherine: Damn. These beavers do nice work. Nick: They should do a commercial for the city: "Las Vegas -- where even the beaver can strike it rich!"

Det. Vartaan: A hogs 'n heifers convention. Hudson wasn't fat. What was he doing here? Grissom: Maybe he used to be. Greg: Or maybe he was a chubby chaser. (Grissom looks at Greg and Greg shrugs) Hey, some men like curves. Det. Vartaan: There's curves, and then there's rolls.. Look, have tons of fun. I got a murder-suicide to cover.

Greg: How much does this thing weigh? Grissom: 240 pounds. We'll increase the weight incrementally until you can't move. Greg: Well, I can't lift that. And if I can't you can't. This is a safety issue. Sara: Well, that's what the pulley is for Greg. So relax and lay down on your back. Greg (climbing onto the mattress): You know, this is exactly like a dream I had, except it wasn't in a garage, and Grissom wasn't watching. That was another dream. (a weighted dummy is placed on top of Greg, who is lying on the a mattress) Sara: How's it feel dreamer? Greg: Like 240 pounds of pure woman. Grissom: How's your breathing? Greg (pushing the dummy off of him): Limited. Grissom (to Sara): Okay, add another 40 pounds. (she adds the weight and they place the dummy back on Greg) Grissom: Well, the position is consistant with the victim. Face up, right arm is pinned. Sara: If we could leave the dummy on long enough we could actually match the blanching. Greg (with the dummy still on him): Yeah, guys, help. Grissom: Oh. (lifts the dummy off Greg)

Sara: It's not like you to get right down to business. Hodges: Even I have off days, Sara.

Greg: I finally regained feeling in my spine. Thanks for asking. (Greg is flipping through a magazine of big women in their underwear) Grissom: A little technical reading, Greg? Greg: Ah, I guess I just wanted to see what the big deal was. Grissom: Attraction is subjective. It can't be analyzed. Greg: I consider myself to be pretty open minded. Find other peoples predilections very intriguing. What do you like? What gets your juices flowing? Grissom: Someone who doesn't judge me.