CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

David: Twice as many people die from falling down stairs as from accidental gunfire. Brass: You didn't just get back from one of those coroners' conferences, did you?

Dr. Geri Cohen (opening her blouse and still staring sultrily at Nick): See? No bite marks. I'm the agressor, Ray just lies there and takes it. He's a real sweetheart! (Nick clears his throat)

(to Nick as they watch the blond on the video bite Ray) Archie: Ow... ooh. She's hot. But I still wouldn't let her fang me. Nick (not seeming completely unconvinced): No, no, I'm... I'm with you.

Nick: Quick. How many teeth in the human mouth? Catherine: Without wisdoms? 28. Nick: Yep, and the 28 teeth in Becky's mouth do not match the bite impressions on her husband's body. Catherine: I guess Ray found himself another set of pearly whites.

David: It's like the Red Sea in here. Grissom: The Red Sea's not red, David. David: No, it's blue from afar and transparent when held in hand, like any other body of water. I was just speaking figuratively.

Ecklie: Do you think he's guilty? Grissom: I don't think that yet.

Doc Robbins: If my full autopsy confirms murder you may be looking at the first serial stairway killer.

Dr. Cohen: Teeth are sexual organs.

(During an interrogation) Catherine: I'm still confused about the bite marks. Mr. Lester: I found myself a way to make our relationship work. Catherine: You found yourself a vampire.

Brass: Now look I just came from the DA and I gotta tell ya, he's already made up his mind. Husband and wife home alone, all that blood, shaky alibi, plus he says he just looks guilty. Grissom: How does one look guilty? Brass: You know, I'm just the messenger, what do you think the chances are that he didn't do it? Catherine: Well, what do you think the chances are that we're going to give you an answer before all the evidence is in?

Brass: Mr. Stein does your son-in-law have a temper? Grandpa Stein: Do I have to answer that? Brass: You just did.

(Collecting the paramedics boots) Greg: Whew! You ever hear of odor eaters?

Catherine: Tequila will always remind me of Señor Frog's. Brass: Which one? Catherine: Cancun. My honeymoon, my dime. Brass: If you ever wanna go back it's on me. Catherine: Is that a proposal?

Brass: He said he checked to see if she was still alive and held her 'til the paramedics came. Catherine: Wouldn't you? Brass: You never met my ex.

Grissom: That's odd. A man and a woman who don't share a bedroom arrange to have a night alone, send their daughter to a relative, go out to dinner, have drinks by the pool but they sleep in seperate bedrooms. Sara: Maybe one of them snored or had insomnia or liked to work at night. Grissom: Maybe they were suffocating each other and he couldn't breathe. (Sara opens a drawer and finds a bottle of lubricant) Sara: Sexual lubricant. It's half empty, sticky. You know you don't have to sleep in the same bed together to have sex (Grissom makes a face) or...have romance. Grissom: I'm gonna go see the Doctor.

Henry: I guess you're kind of a role model for me. Greg: A role model, huh? Henry: Yeah. By the way, where do you get your hair cut?

Catherine: Sometimes first blush gives you head rush.

Mr. Lester: Rosy Palm and Thumbelina are the only action I get. (holds up his right hand)

Nick: Those don't look like mosquito bites... Mr. Lester: My wife likes to bite me and I don't mind it, okay?

Brass (to husband of dead woman, when he's asked to remove his clothing, as they're evidence): I'll close my eyes if you're shy.

Catherine: Lovers and co-workers, that never works.

Dr. Robbins: At least after five years they don't smell anymore. David: Always with the silver lining.

Nick: Are you kidding me? Archie: I could not make this stuff up.

(Grissom is spraying ketchup out of his mouth) Catherine: You want fries with that?

Grissom: Well, you've given me a lot of information doc and none of it very helpful.

Catherine: What are you thinking? Grissom: Led Zeppelin... (everyone looks at a dead woman lying on a set of stairs) ...Stairway to Heaven.

Doc Robbins: There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. But who doesn't like to cross it every now and then? (Grissom gives him a weird look) Anyway...