CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

David (examining the dead boy): His insides are on the outside.

Sara: You know you pulled me away from a forensic anthropology seminar, right? It's required. It's part of the continuing education program. Grissom: Well, I'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today. I have a teenager who was run over by a taxi. He wasn't hit by it; that's not what killed him. He was stabbed, fatally. For now, I have no ID, no suspects and no primary crime scene. I need you.

Grissom (to Warrick): How much do you weigh? Warrick: That's between me and my trainer. Grissom (sarcastically): Do I need to get a scale? Warrick (sighs): A buck ninety-five, give or take a doughnut. (Grissom looks Sara's way) Sara: Don't even ask, I'm not telling you. Grissom: Warrick, would you lay down on the floor? Warrick: I don't get paid enough to play dead. Grissom: Please? (Warrick lays down on the floor and Sara smiles) Sara, grab Warrick's right arm and see if you can drag him across the room. Sara: This does have something to do with the case right? Grissom: You don't trust me? (she gets up and drags Warrick across the room) Warrick (as she drags him): You're such a drag. (Sara laughs)

(After he got dragged on the floor) Warrick (to Grissom): Alright, if you don't mind, I have an appointment at the chiropractor. I'll send you the bill.

Grissom: How would you like to be part of an experiment? Judy: I- I'm a secretary, besides, I heard what you did to Greg's feet. Grissom: You'll keep your shoes on, I swear.

(after Sara has just rattled off a list of percentages for finding DNA in various places/from various things) Sara: You want me to make you a copy? Grissom: I don't need one, I have you.

Sara: Blood trail. Grissom: Wanna go for a walk?

Grissom: Tell me something I don't know. Doc Robbins: Okay, when I was in the fourth grade I quit karate class because a kid half my size made me cry. Grissom: About the body.

(Greg is obviously busy in the DNA lab) Grissom: Gene Rayburn. Greg: What? Grissom: Point of reference. Greg: Uh. . .Match Game. . .Nipsey Russell, Fannie Flagg, game show network. Look, I don't have time for your humor. Ecklie's got a multiple, Warrick tells me his home invasion is my top priority and I'm still backed up on Catherine's no-suspect rape. One servant, many masters. You know what I'm saying? Grissom: Greg, this is your DNA lab. You are the master. We serve you. Greg: Well your stuff just moved to the top of the pile.