CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Warrick: I thought it was our job to speak for the victim no matter what it took... and to hell with the budgets. Grissom: Our job is to think, Warrick. Machinery should never matter more than our mind.

Grissom: Is that a polymer sensor proboscis? Warrick: Cyranose 320. Company sent it to me, gratis, for a week. They figure if it helps, CSI will buy one. Grissom: Electronic noses run like ten grand. Warrick: Yeah, well, what if the shooter chooses a certain kind of tobacco or has a unique halitosis and the e-nose picks up on it? Grissom: If that thing ran out of here and bit the shooter in the ass, the county would not approve a $10,000 purchase order.

Brass: Well, the nerd squad is off and running.

(While David is emptying the bag where the corpse was) Sara: Soup. Nick: Human soup.

Sara: Anyone touch the bag since? Hank: With that smell? Sara: I thought you Emergency Service guys were tougher than that. Hank: Hey, I'm plenty tough. Sara: Down, boy. It was a joke. Nick (to Sara): Nothing like flirting over a D.B. (laughs)

(Sara is working on the decomp and Hank finds her in the lab, and she excuses herself for a minute) Sara: Give me a mint. Nick (laughs): You're going to need more than one. Sara: Just give me.

Catherine: So how's your new toy working out? Warrick: It's been downsized. Catherine: Bummer. I know how you wanted to see that thing work. Warrick: Well, it's the same difference, really. Air is drawn into the last tube the chalk absorbs the chemicals from the air. And mass spec will break it down at the lab. Catherine: So why did you need the expensive one in the first place? Warrick: 'Cause it was cool. (Cath smiles at his honesty)

Nick: Shut up. She was not. Warrick: I saw her in action. Nick: Really? Warrick: Yeah, she was. Nick: Catherine? Catherine (walks in and smiles): I was what? Warrick: I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school. Catherine: A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot. Warrick: No. Nick: No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress. Catherine (smiling): Like you, Nick, huh? (Cath puts a hand on his shoulder for emphasis, he gets it. And sits down) Oh, Nick...what were you in high school? Nick: Me? I was, uh...I was "dependable". Catherine: Dependable. Nick: Mmhmm. Catherine: Dependable jock, dependable stoner? Nick: No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess. Warrick: What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular. (Cath laughs. Sara walks into the break room) Sara: Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot. Nick: Great. (gathers things and gets up) Warrick: Hey Sara, what were you in high school? Sara: Science nerd. (Nick walks past her and sniffs) Nick: You changed? (whispers) But you still smell. Let's go. (they leave) Catherine: So that leaves you, Warrick. What were you? Warrick: Oh, I was short, I had big feet, thick glasses. Catherine: You? Warrick: Yeah. I got pushed around by all the guys and never got any play from the girls. Catherine: The girls didn't even notice your eyes? Warrick: No, they used to tease me about my eyes. Called me names. Catherine: Aww, well, what do they know? They're your best feature.

Grissom: Our job is to think, Warrick.

David: Let's go up to the VIP room. I'll show you what I mean.

Grissom: Brass. Brass. Principal: Excuse me one of my students is dead. Are we interrupting you? Grissom: Yeah. A little.

Catherine: So why is he saying she did? Grissom: Do you ever smell a fart and end up blaming the wrong guy?

Sara: So you didn't hurt him. You just put him in your car. Is that what you're saying? Club Manager: Back seat. Then I drove him out of town. I left him on the side of the road, out by Red Rock. Nick: You didn't maybe zip him up in a bag because he was giving you trouble... anything like that?

Grissom: Let me guess. Decomp in an enclosed space? Sara: Yeah. Nick: Yeah, in a zip bag. Grissom: Lemons. Sara: What? Grissom: Use lemons. (Grissom mimics squeezing lemons on his own head to demonstrate what he means)

David: From the sound of it, I'd say he's been dead about two months. Sara: Sound? (David shakes the bag, liquid sloshes around inside it)

Greg (sniffs at Sara): You smell like death. Sara: I've heard. Greg: You know... a real man wouldn't mind.

Warrick: So were you a jock or a brain? Grissom: I was a ghost.