CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Grissom: Aborigines say they dance naked to make the gods happy. Catherine: The gods would be happy in Vegas.

Catherine: Well, one thing's for certain: Walter didn't kill Wendy. Warrick: No, it's more like Wendy killed Walter.

Grissom: I thought you'd want to know what happened to Wendy. Mimosa: I appreciate you telling me. Killed by someone in our own community. As if we don't have enough enemies. Her parents never understood her, but still I think they should know. What do I say? Grissom: Show them an oyster. Mimosa: I'm sorry? Grissom: There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex... is a mutation.

Nick: I've never seen junkies shoot up in the face before. Woman: It's not smack, it's silicone. Gives you good cheek bones. Mercedes: The ones who can't buy silicone... shoot motor oil. Nick: Do they? Mercedes: Calm down, pretty boy. We're not the monsters. The real freaks are the suit-and-ties want to take a walk on the wild side, before sneaking back to the wife and kids. Want to go? Nick (shakes his head): Mm-mm.

Grissom: Mercedes, I presume? We're with the Las Vegas Crime Lab, and we're looking for somebody. Mercedes: Isn't this where you say my P.O. would be interested to know that I'm hustling, and you ask for a freebie? Grissom: I'm actually not interested in your ass, but the person we're looking for is a human butcher who might be.

Brass: Lepidro. What kind of name is that? Grissom: It's from Lepidoptera, meaning "butterfly." Walter Clancy started out a gender-dysmorphic caterpillar and turned into a bloody butterfly. Brass: Love hurts.

Grissom: This is confusing. Brass: She had her period? Grissom: Impossible. No uterus, no period. Brass: So a guy desperate to change his sex hooks up with a guy desperate not to have any. Grissom: A match made in heaven. Sara: I think we need to tell Mr. Laner the truth. Grissom: Are we sure he doesn't know?

Officer Mann: Clocked the Thunderbird doing ninety. I nail it. The skirt driving tells me she's being chased. And then she asks if she can show me some videos. Brass: How were they? Officer Mann: I didn't bite. She was working it. Brass: Rough duty. Officer Mann: Look, she gave me this lame story about the car being her brother's, and that she had lost her license, but she has his license, and yakety-yak. I just let her off with a warning. Brass: So you had speeding, driving without a license, possible stolen vehicle, and you let her off with a warning. Officer Mann: What are you implying? Brass: She got off pretty easy. How about you? Officer Mann: I resent that.

Doc Robbins: Genital wounds were more profound than I expected. Grissom: Profound how? Doc Robbins: Well, I was looking for ovaries and I found a prostate. Catherine: "She" was a "He"? Doc Robbins: "She" had genital reassignment surgery. Catherine: And what does that mean exactly? Doc Robbins: Exactly? Her testicles were removed and her penis was inverted, creating a vagina. Grissom: And, evidently, the killer kept subtracting.

Warrick: Wow. Mascara, tweezers... under-eye cream... neck-firming lotion. Girls. Pads ... one, two, three, four jars of depilatory cream? Sara: That's a lot of bikini wax. Some girls hate the nether-stubble. Warrick: Nether-stubble?

David (noticing the victims ring): That's a nice ring. It's at least four karats. (at Catherine's look) We've been shopping. (turning back to the body) Lots of surgical procedures here... artificial breasts, cheek implants... collagen lips... you'd be surprised how many women I get on this table with fake parts. Catherine: Plastic lasts longer.

Catherine: Women in convertibles are low-hanging fruit. Grissom: And it was a top-down night.

(Nick and Grissom step into the break room) Nick (excited): We know the name of the butcher. Catherine, Warrick and Sara (together): Benway. (Grissom looks at all of them)

Grissom: Did you see any transexuals when you danced? Catherine: Gil, only civilians confuse strippers and showgirls. You can't cheat the full monty.

Brass: Hey, I uh talked to the manager. All he said was the renter paid cash and the guy; he seemed pretty normal. Catherine: Normal people don't torture people in storage bins.

(Looking at a botched sex changing surgery in a storage room) Nick: Catherine? What do you think went on here? Catherine: Someone outsourced their health care to the wrong provider.

Nick: It takes ten minutes to drive from the clinic to Industrial road. Warrick: Yeah? Nick: Yeah, I had Greg run it. Warrick (chuckling): That's classic.

Dr. Lavalle: I have nothing more to say. Grissom: We need you to say "Ahhhh."

Grissom (quoting Peanuts): I like humanity; it's people I can't stand.

Greg: For the record, I really like having a penis.