CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Ray: Sometimes, when God closes a door, Satan opens a window.

Greg: Where have you been? Hodges: I was dialoging with Conrad. What else have you been touching? Greg: Have you run the trace from cash tray? (Hodges hands him the file, Greg reads it) Dust bunnies? Hodges: Comprised of dirt, pollen, metal shavings and fecal matter. Did you know that most dust contains trace amounts of poop? Even in hospitals. Greg: What about the white fragment? Hodges: Eh, still in the works. Alright, I know you're dying to know, so I'm just gonna tell you. I was talking to Onrad-Cay about Endy-Way and an ansfer-tray to the ield-fay. Greg: I need the trace ow-nay. (goes to leave) Oser-lay.

Ray (about the burnt matches): Maybe you could pull DNA. Wendy: I knew you were takin' all the classes, I didn't realize you knew all about DNA. Ray: I don't know all about it, yet. But I did learn that burned materials used to be collected in paint cans, and plastic bags which preserves accelerant but destroys DNA, which no one knew until recently can survive fire damage. Wendy (smiles): I take it you passed. Ray: You take it right.

Ray: So, Wayne Smith sexually assaulted Tommy Baker. Nick: Which gives Tommy motive to kill the bastard. If I were Tommy, I'da killed him, too.

April: And don't be surprised if Mr. Baker never admits he was raped. Odds are, you'll probably close the case on lack of co-operation and then make fun of him around the office. Have a Nice day, Mr. Stokes. Nick: Hey, what is your problem? I'm just trying to do my job here. April: I've watched you guys stand over dead bodies and crack jokes. I still see a human being when all you see is evidence. Which, might make you a good investigator, but it also makes you cold, hard, people. Nick: So you can feel compassion for dead people? But you can't feel it for someone who's alive, wearing a badge, tryin' to help. Good luck with that. Enjoy your sandwich.

Catherine: You said that Tommy got violent when you tried to process him? He refused medical treatment, he went home and showered, and according to his brother, he wouldn't talk about what happened. If this were a woman, what would you think? Nick: I'd think she was raped.

Greg: Why'd the killer put the gun back in the register? Langston? ... Ray? ... I'll answer my own question. You see Greg, cop pulls you over and finds cash on you, no big deal. If he finds a gun, then you're going to jail.

Greg: Botched burglary? David: I guess it's more than the economy that's killing small business owners.

Ray (about the broken door): Did you happen to notice if this was the fire department's handiwork or not? Greg: You mean, the evidence eradication team?

Nick: A St. Christopher medal with blood on it? Catherine: Could belong to the victim. Nick: Yeah, it didn't do him much good, did it? Catherine: That's because he's the patron saint of travel. Eddie used to have one hanging on his rear-view, didn't do him much good either.

Catherine: What's with all the blood? Hooker: Oh, don't take that tone with me, blondie. This is the blood on an innocent Samaritan. Brass: Oh, yeah? We got a special on Samaritans, we're arresting them tonight.

Brass: What are you doing in the alley? Hooker: I was looking for my cat, she's lost. Brass: Yeah. What's your cat's name? Hooker: Pussycat. Brass: Now, why didn't I know that?

Wendy: What is up with Ecklie? Hodges: Excuse me? Wendy: He said he's not gonna let anybody else pull a Sanders. I don't get to go out in the field. And the thing that really pisses me off about this, I have recommendation letters from Grissom, Catherine and Nick in my file. It didn't make any difference to him. I mean, it's ridiculous, this is supposed to be a meritocracy. Hodges: Since when? Wendy: Et tu, Hodges? Hodges: It's a bureaucracy. Just keeping it real. You want me to talk to Conrad for you? Wendy: Yeah, no, I can talk to him myself. Hodges: You sure? We're in book club together and Conrad respects my opinion. At least where Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is concerned. Wendy: I thought you were against me going from lab rat to field mouse? Hodges: I just want you to be happy.

Nick: So, you catch a guy burglarizing your store. You wanna teach him a lesson, I get it. so you beat him, stab him or maybe even shoot him. But do you have to rape him? Ray: Greek warriors in ancient times would sodomize their enemies after a battle, to humiliate them, take their manhood-- Nick: Yeah, yeah. I understand the concept of humiliation-- rape isn't about sex, it's about violence. But this is a little excessive, don't you think? Langston: Well... for some men... violence is their sex.