CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Sara: Why did they amputate the gorilla's head? Teri: It's a trophy. American fetishists would pay up to $10,000 for the head of a lowland gorilla. Sara: The hands and feet? Teri: Novelty items. Sold as ashtrays. Sara: Here Nick and I were thinking it was to avoid I.D. Why skin it? Teri: Purses, shoes, boots ... It's sad. Genetically we're 92.7% identical with gorillas. Sara: It's hard to tell where the human ends and the animal begins. Teri: Well said. Sara: I checked out a couple of websites ... bushmeat.net, gorilla.org. I think she was killed probably in Cameroon or Congo transported to the port of Los Angeles. Dismembered, packaged ... loaded onto a small plane ... where they dumped what they couldn't sell but, uh, I just have to find the plane. Teri: Needle in a haystack. Chances are, whoever did this are halfway around the world by now.

Catherine: We found everything else in that shed. I don't know why we didn't find a gun. Grissom: Well, maybe he was shot somewhere else. Catherine: That would explain the plastic. Grissom: What plastic? You never told me about any plastic. Catherine: I didn't? Oh. ... The victim was wrapped in a plastic sheet. Grissom: Victor DaSilva's entire house was covered in plastic. He was having it painted. Catherine: Really? Who's the painter? Grissom: Nobody famous. Catherine: Yet.

Catherine: What about my evaluation? Grissom: Keep up the good work, Catherine.

Nick: Look. Grissom I know this is a bad time to bitch to the boss but, uh, I've been a CSI Level 3 for nine months now. I was a CSI before Warrick. Warrick works D.B.'S solo. Why can't I? Grissom: Repeat after me. Silk, silk, silk. Nick: 'Silk, silk, silk'? Grissom: And what do cows drink? Nick: Milk. Grissom: Cows drink water. They produce milk. A simple riddle. Common sense disguised in a puzzle of words, but an excellent barometer for evaluating someone's readiness. Nick: Look, I'm not one of your suspects you can trick, okay? If I'm not ready, be a man -- tell me I'm not ready. Grissom: You're not ready. Nick: You know why I took this job? Honestly? I wanted to pack heat, walk under the yellow tape, be the man ... but mostly, because I want you to think I'm a good CSI. Grissom: And that's the reason I have to hold you back. Anybody who's great at anything, Nick, does it for their own approval not someone else's.

Catherine: Well, well, what a switch. You actually beat us here. Grissom: It's evaluation day. Where's Warrick? Catherine: He's working spillover -- personal thing -- kid he knows who's in trouble. Grissom: Oh, that's right. He told me. I forgot. Catherine: Well, maybe we should be evaluating you.

(Grissom talking to Brass about torn photo) Grissom: So bizarre human behavior, what you can't cut out of your mind, you can always cut out of your photo album.

Nick: Peanuts? On the gas pedal? Sara: It's one of those funny clues. Could mean nothing, could mean everything.

(Grissom and Catherine are examining a head) Catherine: Definitely a crime of passion. Grissom: Do you think a woman could've done this? Catherine: I could have. (Grissom glances at her, then back to the head) Grissom: Scared of you...

Grissom: What are you doing? Sara: Working the case. Grissom: What case? Sara: The skinned gorilla torso forty miles outside of Baker. Remember? Grissom: I don't think that is a case. Sara: Well, it was at the start of shift. A crime has been committed. Grissom: I hate to be the one to state the obvious, but, uh ... this isn't a human being we're dealing with -- it's an animal. Sara: And ... Grissom: And every time a dog gets run over you can't go to the vet to examine it. Sara (scoffs): I can't believe you. You, with your pet tarantula your maggot farms, that komodo dragon on back order ... you should be more sympathetic to the senseless murder of an innocent gorilla. Grissom: You're right. I apologize. I was just checking to see where your head was at. For now, you're working alone. Catherine needed Nick. Sara: Bummer. Grissom: We got another dead body call. Sara: Wait. Is he missing a head? Grissom: Maybe. Meantime, you're on standby in case Nick needs backup. ... Your evaluation form. "Overall Performance": "Outstanding." "Ability to prioritize "... "Improvement needed."

Doc Robbins: Uh, voice sound familiar? Catherine: Kind of sounds like the daytime coroner. Grissom: Gary Telgenhoff? Doc Robbins: Yep. A songwriter in his off-time. What do you think? Catherine: It sucks. Doc Robbins: Hmm. Catherine: Hey, I just filed for divorce. I'm feeling a little confident.

Catherine: Okay, let's get right to it. What's your shoe size? Trent Calloway: Why? Catherine: I have a shoe fetish. I love feet.

Greg: Squirrels love 'em ... they get tossed at Dodger Stadium and they make a hell of a butter. Sara: You're nuts. You know that. Greg: Exactamundo. Peanuts!

Grissom: Mr. Callaway, is there a remote possibility that Victor DiSilva ever worked at a concession stand of some sort? Like at a ball park or...the secret garden of Siegfried and Roy, in the elephant's habitat? Callaway: I don't think it's Victor's style. This is ridiculous.

Nick: Hey, Catherine, you up for a riddle? Catherine: Sure, why not? Nick: Okay, repeat after me: "Silk, silk, silk." Catherine: 'Silk, silk, silk'. Nick: What do cows drink? Catherine: Water. Why? Nick (after a disappointed pause): Never mind.

Sara: What has gotten in to you? Nick: Grissom.

Prisoner (to Warrick who is about to investigate a murder): Hey, what you got in the tackle box, babe? You going fishing?

Brass: You want to tell us why two college freshmen were driving a stolen BMW with a head in the trunk? Anna Leah: We already told you. We had no idea that was in the trunk. Lori (mutters): Gross. Catherine: Now there's a start, "gross." Gross negligence, flying down I-15 in a stolen car. Gross anatomy, a human bowling ball in the trunk. Gross details, let's hear it.

Brass (to the two college girls found in their lingerie driving a stolen car with a severed head in the trunk): I don't think you two are murderers, I think you're just felony stupid.

Grissom (looking at the detached head): Vitreous humor is glazed over. Brass: What does that mean? Grissom: That means that, six to eight hours ago somebody lost their head. Then ... (looks at the detached head) somebody lost their head.

(sitting in a rollercoaster seat) Warrick: I thought you said we were grabbing a beer. Grissom (excited): We are, after this. Warrick: Grissom, you know, this is your thing. (Warrick moves to get up, Grissom pulls him back down) Grissom: Ah-ah-ah. Every nine years and 34 days I feel like sharing. You'll like it. It cleanses you. (Grissom reaches up and pulls down Warrick's harness, and locks it) Warrick: Cleanses me? Whatever happened to my evaluation? Grissom: You're sittin in it.