CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Neil: Am I interrupting? Hodges: Actually, yeah. Conrad was about to pat me on the back.

Greg: Well, what are you thinking? Sara: Name a chemical compound that can burn skin, and can also disappear into thin air. Greg: The only think I can think of is dry ice. Sara: And dry ice releases carbon dioxide as it sublimates. Greg: Yeah, but can you put enough dry ice in Zack's room to raise the amounts of carbon dioxide in Trip's room to a lethal level? Sara: Is that a dare?

(After Greg's "experiment" toilet explodes) Greg (laughs, to Sara): I think I explained the explode-o-potty. (Sara smiles)

Nick: Crop circles? (laughs) Come on, Super Dave. Wasn't the alien autopsy embarrassing enough? David: Given the circumstances, alien was not an unreasonable conclusion at the time. Nick: You need to get a girlfriend. David: I'm engaged, but thank you.

Catherine (about the victim): The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle? (David looks up at the sky) David: I have an idea. (Warrick looks up) I'll keep it to myself.

Grissom: And this must be Mr. Billmeyer. I'm so glad he's back. Ecklie: Very funny. Grissom: You might want to have Hodges analyze that cigar. Oh, and the print tech is free. He could, uh, spray the party hat with ninhydrin. Ecklie: I think I remember how to do my job, Gil, thank you. Grissom: I love it when you wear your gloves.

(looking through Trip's dorm) Greg: Ah, a sex journal. Lists of girls, dates and sexual activities. Sara: Boys and their conquests. Greg: I've never even heard of some of these. Sara (surprised): Really? Greg: Nevermind.

Mia: Hey. Want to talk about semen? Sara: Okay. (Mia hands Sara the file) Okey-dokey. Mia: The semen on the vic's doorknob and the neighbor's doorknob is consistent with Trip's DNA. So, I'm thinking that Trip put a trophy condom on his neighbor's door and then transferred a trace of his reproductive material back onto his own doorknob. Sara: You've uh, you've heard of trophy condoms? Mia (chuckles): Sara, I went to college.

(After he finds semen on a couple door handles) Greg: Trophy condoms. Sara: Trophy condoms? Greg: When a stud scores, he hangs his condom on his neighbors doorknob.

Warrick: This land used to be part of the Bennett estate. Catherine: Bill Bennett? Guy who owns the Sahara? Warrick: Yeah. Huh. We used to come out here when we were in high school. Used to be, like, a seven-acre lover's lane. Catherine: I thought you said you were a dork in high school. Warrick: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action. Catherine: I don't doubt that.

Sara: Music, alcohol, candles. Kid was a regular Romeo. Grissom: For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo. Greg: Condom wrapper. (Sara looks at him) Grissom: So much for safe sex.

Greg: Hey Grissom, when you went to college did you live in the dorms? Grissom: Surely, you jest. Sara (laughs): You know they say a B.A. is worth a million dollars of extra income over your life. Grissom: Yeah, but the present value of college tuition is about the same amount. Greg: So you're saying college isn't worth the expense? Grissom: I guess it depends on what you learn.

Hodges: Just so you know, I moved all your trace evidence up to the top of my pile. Ecklie: Well, thank you. Why don't you quit blowing smoke and tell me about the cigar?

(Sara and Greg investigate the toilet explosion) Sara: Well, there's got to be some logical explanation. Greg: Well, if dorm food is as bad as I can remember, we should consider explosive diarrhea.

Warrick (looking at the body in the crop circle): The guy has a blindfold on. Catherine: Pin the tail on the donkey gone wrong?

Sara: I'll drive. Greg: You always do!

Zach: I was told my grievances were confidential. They said my name wasn't even on the form. Sara: Why was confidentiality so important? Zach: Ask him. You look like you were a jock in college. Greg (shocked): Me? Sara (shocked): Him? Zach: Whatever. Look, if it had gotten around that I had ratted out Trip, the whole basketball team would have come down on me.

Greg: Spontaneous toilet combustion? Sara (laughs): Or a college prank.

Sara: Hey, doc. Doc Robbins: Two dead bodies. Both were in perfect health. Sara: I am so hoping that you have more in your report than that. Doc Robbins: There are two toxins which can turn a body pink postmortem. Sara: We already ruled out carbon monoxide. Doc Robbins: Which leaves one -- cyanide ingestion. Interesting fact about cyanide -- not everyone can smell it. Sara: Right. It's a genetic quirk. Doc Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability. Hodges: The nose has arrived! Sara: Hodges has the genetic quirk? Hodges: It's a blessing ... and a curse. Doc Robbins (points to stomach contents): Stomach contents of both decedents. Hodges, start your sniffer.