CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Mia (at Warrick's phone that keeps ringing): You gonna get that? Warrick (looks at the caller I.D): No. Mia (mutters): Player. Warrick: Oh, now I'm a 'player'. You make up your mind pretty quick. Mia: I'll, uh, page you when I get the results. Warrick: Yeah? (Warrick holds out his phone to Mia, showing her the ID of the caller: G. Sanders) He was a rough one last night, so I called to check on him. But since I'm here, I can do it in person. Anything else you want to say to me? Mia (smiles): Have a nice day. Warrick (chuckles): Is that it? Mia: (smiles): That's it.

Sofia: Well, it's going to take you forever to go through these alone. Sara: I'll get it done. Sofia: It took me a long time to get where I was, Sara. Now I feel like I'm starting from scratch. I miss sleeping at night. I miss my colleagues. I miss ... Sara: What? Sofia: Being trusted.

Catherine: Taking your pet for a walk? Grissom: I know how much you like my little fetal pig, so I'm giving him to you as an office-warming gift. Catherine: That is so thoughtful. Now tell me why you really stopped by. You checking up on me? Grissom: No. Catherine: What've you heard? Who talked to you? Grissom: See? You've only been on the job a week and you're already paranoid. Catherine (laughs): When I was your right hand and your left, I always knew if it hit the fan, you'd be the one to get dirty. Grissom: Hey, that's the job. Catherine: Yeah, that's the job. Did you ever play politics? Grissom: I once ran for president of science club in junior high. Mary Hardy beat me out by one vote. Catherine: I'm going to guess that you didn't vote for yourself. Grissom: I'm not any good at politics. It cost me, that's how I lost Nick and Warrick. Catherine: Your loss, my gain. Grissom: Yeah, and at least I know that they're in good hands.

Sara (to Devine, a hooker): Could you open your mouth for me, please? (Devine scoffs) Brass: Come on, you could do that in your sleep, honey.

Hodges: Heard you had a real sphincter pucker last night. So what kinda gun are you getting? Greg: Plenty of guns at crime scenes. Cops have them, some criminalists... Hodges: Yeah, cops make great targets. Plus, CSIs get shot at all the time or didn't they tell you?

(After Sofia chased a guy who just shot a guy at a crime scene) Grissom: It says "forensics" on our jackets. Sofia: I'm aware of that. Grissom: We had plenty of cops chasing the suspect. Sofia: I wasn't chasing the suspect. I was chasing the evidence. I knew the idiot was likely to dump the gun. All we have to do is get a ballistics match the weapon to the two victims. (hands him the gun) Case closed.

Brass: So, Seattle P.D. has located Candace Malton. They're putting her on a plane tonight. They said she's pretty broken up. Sara: She left her kids with her hooker cousin. She should've known better. (Brass nods) Where are you going to take her first, the hospital or the morgue? Brass: Guess I might as well get it over with. I mean, once she sees the kids she's not going to want to leave them. (shrugs) What do you think? Sara: Go with the living, Jim. The dead can wait.

Sofia (about Warrick): He's pretty hot. Mia: Yeah, well, I think he knows it.

Brass: So, turns out that Mom was sending money after all. I found this letter inside mailed from Seattle with 300 bucks in it for the kid's upkeep. And that skanky bitch used it to buy a new TV.

Devine: My half-sister Candy left me with those bad-ass kids and no money. How am I supposed to feed them? Sara: You don't look like you've missed any meals to me. Devine: You know what, skinny bitch, go to hell. I just scrape by.

Doc Robbins: I have to admit this seems especially cruel and unsual. Sara: When kids are involved, it usually is.