CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Catherine: So I understand that you're going up against Mark Thayer? The guy's an ass. Grissom: Used to be a competent scientist. We actually co-authored a paper together ten years ago. I believe greed has gotten in his way. Catherine: Well, I've seen him on the stand. He manipulates evidence. Grissom: He manipulates people. The public assumes that scientists are ethical. But many of us are no better than politicians evidently.

ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: You have the right to remain silent. The D.A.'s filing charges for perjury ... Mark Thayer (groans): Oh, my God ... ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: ... and obstruction of justice. We won't be accepting a plea. (Mark Thayer turns and glares at Grissom) Mark Thayer: This is all your fault. Grissom: I hope so.

Hodges: It seems like you and Grissom were having a fairly intense conversation. Can I ask ... ? Catherine (interrupts): Tell me about the blouse, please. Hodges: I ran the S.E.M. over the adhesive disks and confirmed gunshot residue.

Catherine: We're going to need to take all the laundry back to our lab. Kenli Johnson: You never found the guy who killed my husband, and now you're wasting time looking at my dirty clothes. That's fine. Take it.

Greg: Can you tell me anything about the guy who won the gun? Rita Day: Well, he's an older guy, at least fifty. I remember guys were calling him "Cy," but that wasn't his real name. He had this large mole between his eyes. Greg: "Cy," short for, uh, "cyclops"? Rita Day: Yeah. I swear I thought that thing was winking at me. Greg: Thanks for your help. Rita Day: No problem.

Warrick: What did you talk about? Evan Peters: All right, get this. She tried to tell me that God got her pregnant. (laughs) I mean, if that's true, the big guy owes me an apology 'cause she was my girlfriend. He should have asked me first. Catherine: Why did you lie to us? Claim that you hadn't seen her in months? Evan Peters: Well, you guys were investigating her murder, and I want to stay out of it. Catherine: Well, it's too late for that, my friend. We need your DNA. Open wide.

Catherine: See, Mr. Peters, we know that you and Christina technically never had sex, so when you found out that she was pregnant, I'm guessing that you felt that she cheated on you. Evan Peters: How in the hell do you know about my sex life?

Robbins: No mystery here. Penetrating gunshot wound to the right temple killed our virgin Mary. I sent the bullet to ballistics. Nick: Virgin Mary? Robbins: Hymen's intact, which means she's never had intercourse. But she gave birth ... caesarean scar. Nick: So other than divine intervention, how do you explain this miraculous conception? Robbins: Well, the most obvious explanation would be frottage. Nick: You mean dry humping? Robbins: In sex ed, Nick, they teach that rubbing body parts is safe. But since the hymen's not a barrier to semen, there's still a risk of pregnancy, not to mention STDs. Nick: Right. Sperm meets labia, all bets are off. Robbins: It's all about gravity. Nick: Thanks, Dr. Ruth.

(At a Project Sunflower office) Catherine: If I understand your program correctly, you take these embryos and place them in available wombs. Dr. Ryan: We seek out special, unselfish women who are prepared to adopt at the embryonic stage of development. We believe that the soul is infused when sperm meets egg. That's when life begins. Catherine: Are you aware that through much of history, the offcial church position held that a child's life beings when the mother first becomes aware of movement? Dr. Ryan: Well, that's your opinion. Catherine: In the 16th century the Pope proclaimed that embryos less than 40 days old are not human. That is not my opinion. Dr. Ryan: You've had an abortion, Miss Willows. Catherine (rolls her eyes and scoffs): Ugh, no. Thank God, I decided not to have one. But we're not talking about me, Dr. Ryan. Are you a medical doctor? Dr. Ryan: I don't care for that insinuation. Catherine: Well, it's just a question. I take it that's a "no."

Catherine: Oh, hey. Ecklie said that you wanted to see me. Grissom: Yeah. A Dr. Ryan called and said that you verbally harassed her? Catherine: I met Dr. Ryan in the course of my investigation she runs an organization called "Project Sunflower" philosophically I completely disagree with the organization and perhaps I expressed myself. Grissom: Which means? Catherine: I'm pro-choice. I'm in favor of stem-cell research. I'm sorry that she felt harassed by my comments were in response to her statements. I don't think that I was outta line. Grissom: You should have cited Leviticus, 17:11: "The life of the flesh is in the blood". Taken literally life doesn't begin when the sperm meets the egg, but 18 days later when the embryo infuses with blood. Catherine: Is that your position? Grissom: Well, if I was speaking with a woman who prefers theology to science it's a position that she'd find tough to refute. Catherine: So are we having a philosophical discussion here, or am I being reprimanded? Grissom: I don't know. I've gotta go to court.

(Grissom's phone keeps ringing, and he keeps stopping the ringing) Catherine: Who do you keep avoiding? Grissom: Ecklie. Catherine: Ah. That means you should answer it. Grissom: No. He just wants to yell at me... because I'm late with the personnel evaluations, it can wait. Catherine: No, it can't. No one on the team can receive cost of living adjustments until those evaluations are turned in. Warrick: You know, she kinda has a point. I do like to take the wife out to dinner every now and then. Grissom: I'll do them as soon as I get back to the lab.

Catherine: Sofia? Sofia: Hi, Catherine. Grissom, Ecklie's been looking for you. Is your cell not working? Grissom: What're you doin' here? Sofia: Well, apparently I was a CSI, then a detective, but now I'm a messenger. You're needed at the lab, ASAP. Grissom: Why? Sofia: I have no idea but the UnderSheriff is camped out in the breakroom. (Sofia leaves) Catherine: I'll have Greg run down the guns serial number, Nick is covering the autopsy, Warrick and I will finish the processing here and I'll keep you posted. Grissom: (sighs, and he gets up to leave) Thanks. Catherine: What would you do without me?

Grissom: I just finished your eval. Catherine: And? Grissom: In the comments section, I noted that if you had my job, these evaluations wouldn't be late. Catherine: Thank you.

Catherine: Diorite granite. Hodges: You remember your geology. Catherine (excited she was right): Yes! Warrick: Wow. Catherine: Actually senior year I took rocks for jocks. I dated the TA. Warrick: Ha, lucky guy. I'm sure you got an A. Catherine: As a matter of fact I did. Warrick: Mm-hmm. Hodges: You're married. Don't flirt.

Wendy: So, I heard that my predecessor in DNA had all these.. you know, personal hygiene issues.. well, just for the record: I'm not like that, I have always been very touchy-feely.. I mean, I used to work in San Francisco.. so, you know, every day we started with hugs. Catherine (irritated): Huh, yeah.. that must've been nice for you.

Sara: Project Sunflower promotes itself as doing God's work. Catherine: I knew a stripper who claimed the exact same thing. (Sara smiles)

Henry: Why did the fly, fly? Grissom: Because the spider, spied her. Catherine's daughter told me that when she was three.

Catherine: Greg never apologize for doing your job. Greg: 'kay.

UnderSheriff McKeen: Grissom, great work up there. Grissom: Actually the work was done in the lab. UnderSheriff McKeen: You know, when I took this job, I heard alotta things about you. If you ever need a favor, if I can help you in anyway. Grissom: You know, Sheriff, you could help me. I'm late delivering my team's personnel evaluations. UnderSheriff McKeen: I'll tell Ecklie. He'll backdate your cost of living adjustments. Grissom: Thank you. UnderSheriff McKeen: So, Grissom, I'm not sure of you're ambitions but uh, if you're interested in taking on more responsibility maybe a promotion, I'd be glad to-- Grissom: You know, Oscar Wilde said, "Ambition is the last refuge of failure." I'm fine thanks.

UnderSheriff McKeen: What are you doing? Grissom: Circling blow flies. UnderSheriff McKeen : Why? Grissom: Dead flies tell no lies.

Sara: Oh, ducks. That's an interesting decorating choice. Catherine (removing the ducks): I now have to share this office with the dayshift supervisor and she has something for waterfowl.

Catherine: I don't know who killed her and why. I don't know how she got pregnant. I don't know who the baby's biological parents are. Grissom: It's always good to know what you don't know.

Sara: She wasn't holding this gun when it was shot. Catherine: What appears to be is not.