CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Doc Robbins: You don't wear LaPerla to a tupperware party. Grissom: LaPerla? Doc Robbins: Very expensive. I gave some to my wife once. She accused me of having an affair.

Sara: Arrive as a couple, leave as a couple. Grissom: No photos, no video. Sara: No affairs. Grissom: And the kids must never know.

Catherine: I know that you got the memo, I'm not sure that you read it. Ecklie is being promoted to Assistant Director. They are taking applications for his supervisor spot on days. I want it. (Gil sits down and doesn't say anything) What? You want the day spot for yourself? You're worried about giving me a good A.P. score and breaking up the team? Or maybe you just think that I'm incapable of the position? Not worthy of the promotion? Is that it? I'm just always, always, always defending myself to you. I'm unbelievable. I have a daughter who is so starved for my attention, she is thumbing rides to Fremont Street to see her grandfather. The last person I want her around. I mean, not that it's much better with my mother, who sees Lindsay much more often than I do. I am missing out on my daughter's life. I have no life of my own. Would you just stop me and say something here? (Gil takes off his glasses and looks at her) Grissom: You want the job because you're worried about Lindsay? Catherine: That's part of it, but... Grissom: The position calls for leadership, Catherine. You have to inspire others, solve problems, which means you have to leave your own problems at home. Catherine: I want the job because I can do it. I'm qualified, I'm motivated and I'm ready, Gil. You know that I am. Grissom: I do. Which is why I already sent in your A.P. I gave you 100 percent. I even put in a good word with the Director. The rest is up to you. And...I hope you get it. (Gil puts his glasses back on. Catherine's touched) Catherine: Thank you. (Catherine stands up and walks out of the office. Gil sighs as he watches her go)

Mia: Nine vibrators, five plugs and four strands of beads. Greg: And a partridge in a pear tree. Some kids are happy playing in the sandbox, others want every toy in the store. And apparently these are dishwasher safe. Mia: I'll swab the nooks and crannies for semen and vaginal secretions and epithelials, but don't get your hopes up. Greg: Oh, my money's on bag number two. Mia: Twenty-six used condoms. Greg: Just like being back in college, right? Mia: Sara said you didn't lose your virginity until you were twenty-two. Greg (ignoring her): Grissom and I figured that they practiced safe sex so we checked their trash. Check them inside and out, please. Mia: I've analyzed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk.

Doc Robbins: Have you no poet in you? Grissom: Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all you know on Earth and all you need to know ... Except cause of death.

Grissom: As Lord Byron once said: "In a desert, a fountain is springing." Brass: Well this one sprung a dead woman.

Hodges: Good thing you didn't need to pass a spelling test to work the field. (he picks up the jar and shows the label to Greg) "Funtain" water? Greg: My people are Norwegian, that's how we spell it. So was the funtain water in her lungs? (later on...) Greg: So Vanessa Keaton dies in a pool? Hodges: Or a spa. And by the way, that's spelled S-P-A, in any language.

Grissom (opening dishwasher and pulling out a vibrator): Well, cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Grissom: What kind of party was this? Woman: A mixer. (Greg laughs)