CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Season 9 Episode 19

Greg: Is there a reagent that can detect the digitoxin?
Henry : Yeah, a diluted solution of perclorite acid exposed to UV light will induce fluorescence. Try saying that ten times fast.

Riley: Does any one want to grab some food?
Nick: Yeah.
Greg: Why are you always thinking about food?

Wendy (entering Ray's office): Well, it's cozy. ... For a morgue.

Brass: Wow, this is just like Sunday school. Well, here's the gospal, according to Jim. I think you took that staff, and clubbed the Holy Steve like a baby harp seal. So, that you could become the number 1 and take over this whole operation.
The George: You do?
Brass: Yes, I do.
The George: Yes, I did. I raised the staff like Abraham to Issac, but there was no Angel to stay my hands so I smote him.
Brass: You smote him? You realize that's a confession, George, you understand that right?
The George: Y-yes, you going to arrest me?
Brass: Yes, yes I am.

Langston (reading Steven's tattoo): 'Spread the word, I am come.'
Hodges (to the victim, Steven): You is gone, my friend.

Nick: Hey, how's the jumper?
Riley: Well, you could ask his pelvis, which you would find in his ribcage. (Nick has a pained expression on his face) His neck is broken, his legs are broken, his ribs and fingers are broken, basically all of him is broken.

Langston: Officer, you walked in to check out the body and walked out using your own steps?
Officer: I took a class.

Riley: So what do you think?
Nick: I think that if you jump out of a plane enough times, that one day, one way or another, your luck's gonna run out.

Mink (about sky diving): Everything was perfect, it was like... Well, did you ever do it?
Nick: Well, I've done a little paragliding.
Mink: You should try the real thing, you know? Bodies falling through air, having the Earth coming at you like the fist of death, and the wind is like... it blows up your leg holes. Pierre lived for that.

Nick: Whadd'ya got, Riley?
Riley: Helmet/video cam. I think it's still on.
Nick (picks up the video cam, to camera): You gonna help us out, or what?

Brass: So according to this, you said that you struck The Steven with his staff. You smote him. That isn't true, is it?
The George: Yeah-- no.
Brass: What did you hit him with? Oh, it says here a large rock.
The George: Yes.
Brass: No, wait a minute,a branch of a tree.
The George: Yes.
Brass: No, a hockey stick.
The George: Yes.
Brass: You didn't really kill Steven, did you?
The George: No.
Brass: So why'd you confess to murder?
The George: Well, I try to live my life according to the 17th Proclamation of The Steven. From his second sermon at the Starbucks.
Brass: Oh, I missed that one.
The George: "It is better to be... agreeable than to be right."
Brass: That's not religion, that's marriage.
The George (laughs): That's... very...
Brass: So you didn't kill Steven.
The George: Yes... no.
Brass: You did?
The George: Yes.
Brass: You killed him?
The George: No.
Brass: Are you clinically insane or just incredibly annoying?
The George: What would you prefer?
Brass: Look, would you mind submitting to a psychological evaluation?
The George: No.
Brass: I don't even know why I asked.

Langston: You mean you knew that The Steven was going to die?
The George: Oh, no. There is no death, only transmogrification.
Brass: Well, that's a relief.

Pierre: Uh, what did one dehydrated Frenchman say to the other? (pauses) What do you want me to do, Pee Air?

(After Ray explains that Steven died after being hit in the head from a turtle out of the sky)
Catherine: You really gonna put that in your report?
Ray: Birds of prey dropped shelled animals onto boulders to gather the meat. Now, from the air, Holy Steven's head must've just looked like another rock. (Catherine looks shocked) You can Google it if you don't believe me. The DNA on the shell is a match.
Catherine: What are the odds, right?
Ray: Before it happened, I would've said slim, but since it did happen, 100%.
Catherine: Seems like a lot of things keep falling out of the sky, right? Poison, people, turtles.
Ray: Tortoises.
Catherine: Whatever. Maybe I should start wearing a helmet.
Ray: Or at least carrying an umbrella.