CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

(Doc Robbins brings Catherine flowers. She reads the card, it reads 'Catherine, I know you got rabies, but it solved the case. Love, Al') Catherine: Remember that solid you owe me? Doc Robbins: It's gonna take more than show tickets, isn't it? Catherine (laughs): Oh, yeah. (Doc Robbins laughs)

Frank: Haven't seen you guys before, are you attendings or surgeons? Langston: We're researchers. Doc Robbins: Yeah, we're from St. Anne's. We're doing research for the, um... For the Cardinal. Not the team in Arizona, the guy who wears the pointy red hat, Cardinal. Frank: Medical ID's, please? (they show him their ID's, and keep their thumbs over where they work) You're not allowed to remove any files from this room, photo copy any files without permission, mutilate or destroy any files. Got it, Ebony and Ivory? Doc Robbins (laughs): Yeah, uh, we got it Frank. (they walk off) Langston (whispers): Next time, you don't talk. Doc Robbins (whispers back): I don't talk? You don't talk!

Doc Robbins: Did you tell Nick what we were doing? Langston: I did not tell Nick what we're doing, just in case things don't go according to plan. Doc Robbins: Gives him plausible deniablity. Langston: Correct. Doc Robbins: You know, we're kinda screwed if the hospital doesn't have hard copies of the documents? Langston: Mmhmm. Doc Robbins: You know, good thing being a doctor has more advantages than just getting hot chicks. (Langston laughs)

Hodges: Your victim was a messy eater, not too proficient with a fork. The white substance on the clothes is not semen. It's potatoes, butter, milk and a pinch of garlic. Greg: Mashed potatoes? Hodges: Mmhmm. Riley: She was cheating on her diet. Hodges: More like a food orgy. The trace on the neck showed apple, cinnamon and grease. Riley: What about the fragment that David extracted? Hodges: Well, that would be the main course. It was animal bone, although it was too small for me to identify the species, I think we all know it's pretty obvious. (Greg and Riley look at him blankly) Babe. Wilbur. Riley: Pork. Hodges: Yes, the other white meat. It's the only type of flesh that you would season that way. And suddenly, I'm very hungry. Break time. Greg: Uh, hold on there, Spuds. How much do you weigh? Hodges: Uh, excuse you. That's not public information. Riley: I'd say a buck forty-five. Same as our victim. (Riley and Greg smile at each other, then at Hodges)

Riley: At least gimme a hint. David: I wish I could, but Dr. Robbins has to sign off on my work first. Riley: Where is he? David: At the hospital, visiting Catherine. Riley: He must feel really guilty.

Langston: We have COD on Darla Kelly. It's rabies. Catherine (looks at her bandaged wrist, and drops her pen and hold her wrist) Okay, uh... So, what, uh I'll get and shot a be fine? Langston: Human rabies cases are very rare, treatment is extremely expensive, which is why the state doesn't have any available. Catherine: Oookay, so you're telling me that there aren't any available shots in the entire state of Nevada? Langston: If the treatment is administered in the within the first 72 hours of transmission, you should be fine. Catherine: It's already been 24. Langston: And we've located a supply, it's in Atlanta. Catherine: Atlanta?! Langston: Georgia. You need a test to confirm whether you've got it and I'm taking you to the hospital right now. Catherine: I-I need to call Nick and let him know that he's the acting supervisor. Langston: Use your cell phone.

David: I don't have COD yet, so please don't ask. Riley: You want some help? David: No, I have to do this myself. It's my first solo. ... Sorry. Didn't mean to lose my temper. Riley: That was you losing your temper? David: My wife calls me a snapping alligator. Riley: Well, your bad temper is better than my good one.

Vartann: (about Elvis' injuries) Or maybe they're from when you raped your ex Kayla Nunez. Elvis: I didn't rape K. We had sex. Vartann: You had the kinda sex where she said 'no'. Elvis: Oh, hold up, this is crazy. Me and K broke up. Greg: Yeah because you thought she was fat. Elvis: You ever seen her? She used to look like a little Coke bottle. Then she got all messy in the middle. Couldn't have that on my arm. Vartann: So when Kayla dropped a few lb's, you wanted her back? Greg: No, remember he wanted a free trip to Hawaii. Elvis: That's why I had sex with her, to seal the deal. She was easy that way and I need a vay-cay. Vartann: What time was this? Elvis: Around 6, maybe. Then she went to go see some friends and I had to pick up my new girlfriend's kid from daycare. Vartann: Where'd you go after? Elvis: I dropped the kid off and my new girlfriend was tired so I went home. Vartann: That means you don't have an alibi. Elvis: Why do I need an alibi for? Vartann: Because I'm charging you with the rape and murder of Kayla Nunez. Greg: Congratulations. You may have just won a 20 year vay-cay.

Eric: Dudes, walk-ins always welcome. We're actually running a special on matching tattooed hearts. Or are you guys more into rough trade? Nick: Dude, we're CSI. We're here on police business. Langston: Are you the owner? Eric: No, I wish. It's Jack's body shop and my name's Eric, Eric Tilban. I'm the manager and receptionist. The manceptionist.

Catherine: That tetanus shot hurt more than the crazy lady attacking me. Riley: You gonna turn into a vampire now? Catherine: Well, I already work nights so I don't think anybody's going to notice.

Brass: I talked to all the neighbors, no one had anything bad to say about Mrs. Kelly. In fact, they all say she's a saint. She's a special ed teacher, a friend to kids, stray dogs and anybody with a problem. Catherine: Well, I must've met her evil clone. Brass: You know, there's a reason there's a protocol. You should've called me first. Catherine: I- I was doin' this as a favor to Doc. Brass: You know, things could have easily escalated and got outta hand. Next time, you call me. Catherine: Yes, you're right. Brass: I'm glad you're okay. (walks off) Catherine: Thank you. Langston (to the paramedic): How is she? Paramedic: Her vitals are stable, but the attacker bit her and she's not sure when she had her last tetanus shot. Langston: Lemme see. Catherine: I just called you so you could work the case, 'cause I'm a witness. Nick's already inside. Langston: Catherine, don't be a tough guy. Jeff, get her to the hospital. Paramedic: Yes, sir.

(After Catherine is attacked by Mrs. Kelly) Catherine: She jumped me. I pulled my gun and she just collapsed. Doc Robbins: She's dead... and you're bleeding. Catherine: That's better than the other way around.