CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Henry: You hear that Hodges' is finally looking for his own apartment? Cut the old apron strings. Catherine: His mother finally kicked him out? Good for her.

Grissom: I bet you five bucks, Greg, that his brain is not as green as his heart. Doc Robbins: Keep your money in your pockets, Greg. There's a higher vascular nature to the heart and lungs, only the blood vessels of the brain are gonna be green. It's a sucker bet, and you know it. Greg: Thanks, Doc.

Catherine: 'Atomic Dave's painless removals.' Some kind of pest control gizmo. Warrick: Apparently it works. I don't think the squirrels would agree that it's painless though.

Catherine: Looks like Caddyshack out here. Invasion of the ground squirrels. Warrick (taking a photo of a dead squirrel): Yeah, I got a few casualties out here.

Officer (about his girlfriend taking his pepper spray): But she dances nights at the Acid Strip. Nick (chuckles): What, does she clip the can to her g-string? Brass: That'd be a deterrent to stuffing a tip in there, wouldn't it?

Grissom: You find anything on the foil? Hodges: Bacon grease and trace amounts ketchup, both things that you find at a barbeque, but not the kind that you're dealing with.

Hodges: I don't wanna take all the credit, but I do know why both of your victims have green blood. Grissom: High levels of sulfur. Hodges (scoffs, that Grissom already knew): Uh, yes.

David: Three pairs of sunglasses. (pulls something out of the victim's ear) Ear plugs. Grissom: And that David, is how you make it dark and quiet when you sleep on the street.

Doc Robbins: Together in death, as they were in life. David: A guy abuses wildlife, then bursts into flames. I call it karma. Doc Robbins: No physical signs that their relationship was anything other than platonic. David: I mean, we're the ones encroaching on their habitat and you don't see them shooting us. Doc Robbins: Consider this justice for Bambi's mother.

I.A. Officer Galvez: And that's when you said to your officer, and I quote 'Light him up.' Brass: Poor choice of words. We followed the proper procedure of escalation of force, at least we didn't shoot him. I.A. Officer Galvez (sarcastic): Of course, that would have killed him. As far as my office is concerned, we got an in-custody death on your orders. It doesn't get much worse than that. Brass: We use stun guns all the time around here, this is the first one that caught on fire. I.A. Officer Galvez: What you think this guy had so much booze that it made him a roman candle? Brass: Well, unfortunately, human blood is 83% water, it's just not flammable, no matter how drunk you are. I.A. Officer Galvez: That's too bad, it might've let you off the hook.

Nick (to Officer Choi): Don't worry, when you talk to I.A, just be honest. Don't expect a hug.

Doc Robbins (to David while doing the autopsy on the deer): Alcohol. Think he had to get her liquored up?

Doc Robbins (looking at the dead deer with a tutu on): Doe. A deer. A female deer... David: It's not funny. Doc Robbins: It's a little funny. (starts taking pictures) David: Doc, I already took photos. Doc Robbins: Not for my scrap book, 'ya didn't. David: This is animal abuse. Doc Robbins: The killing? Sure. The dress? Pet owners put sweaters on their dog's.

Grissom: Your killer's a ground squirrel? Catherine: In a way I have to argue self defense.

Margo: I killed the squirrels, and possibly their cat; I am not a murderer.

Nick: Is it bad when you start thinking none of this sounds too weird anymore? Warrick: Oh, it's a bit too freaky how these cases are connected. Greg: Grissom, you always say there is no such thing as coincidence... Grissom: There isn't. Catherine: Oh, come on. You got the guy who bursts into flames, just divorced from the woman who was fighting squirrel wars with the Martins... Greg: ... Who had hired the exterminator who's drugs were turning everybody's blood green. Nick: And one of those green blooded customers was Evelyn, our lady of tinfoil, who was the last person that Kyle Plank touched before he died. Grissom: There's one more connection. Evelyn had 200 bucks, and I'm thinking that when she was run over, she was on her way to buy more drugs. I think that Wayne Connor was with Dave Boer waiting for the money to arrive. Greg: Only Evelyn never showed up, Connor lost his temper and Boer killed him in a fight. Warrick: And it all started with Kyle Plank, lonely guy with a gut full of moonshine. Grissom: String theory. Nick: Grissom theory. This is better than a bedtime story. Grissom: String theory is 'the theory of everything.' Quantum mechanics tells us about the very small. The theory of relativity explains the immense. String theory ties it all together. It proposes that atomic particles are made up of infinitesimal vibrating loops of energy or strings. Each string vibrates at its own frequency, like on a violin, producing notes and these notes make up everything in the universe. Catherine: Cosmic symphony. Grissom: These strings have been combining and recombining ever since the Big Bang. So, the connections between our victims or any of us are not that extraordinary. Nick: But every one of them thought they were alone. Warrick: Too bad they didn't know about Grissom's theory. Greg: In a parallel universe, maybe they're all having breakfast together. Catherine: In this universe, maybe we are. Nick: Yeah. Catherine (to Grissom): And you're buying. Grissom: No strings attached.

Hodges: Anytime you need a sniffer to detect it, my nose has the cyanide gene. Grissom: What type of gene turned your nose brown? (referring to the squirrel he just necropsied) Go ahead. You can sew him up. (gets up and leaves) Hodges: Will do. And I'll notify next of kin, too. (chuckles, then grimaces at the open body cavity of the squirrel)

Hodges: In an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, October 31, 1996, if I recall correctly, one Gilbert Grissom revealed that as a boy he collected dead animals he found in his Marina Del Ray neighborhood and performed necropsies on them. Grissom: Hodges, I want you to stop stalking me.

Grissom: Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. Hodges: Winston Churchill. Grissom: Ian Fleming. Hodges: I should know that I'm a huge James Bond fan. Greg: What aren't you a fan of?

Catherine: Now get down and sniff the rug. Hodges: That's all they ever want...

Mandy (to Hodges): So I have been thinking this over and here's my advice. If you want to get a real relationship with a girl you are going to have to move out of mom's. No girl wants competition, I'm sorry.

I.A Officer Galvez: There's a lot that you don't know. Brass: You can count on three things happening daily around here. The coffee machine's gonna break down. Some tourist is gonna swear that the hooker was over 18. And Evelyn is gonna show up. We put a broadcast out, we will find her. She's very shiny.

Hodges: When the sulfur atom joins the hemoglobin molecules red blood turns green. Which is why First Officer Spock's blood is green in Star Trek. Wendy: No, its not. Hodges: Uh, yes it is. Trust me, I'm an expert. Wendy: Well, apparently not, because otherwise you would surely know that the oxidizing agent in Vulcan blood is copper. And that is why his blood is green. I mean it was that and the fact that he had a Vulcan father since his mother was actually human. And furthermore, he was promoted to captain just prior to Star Trek II, and then he retired a civilian ambassador. Hodges: You're like a geeky, nerdy guy trapped in a woman's body. Wendy: So are you.