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Detective Cavalier: Electrocution. That's a quick way to go.
Warrick: Not always.
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Detective Travis: Hey! E.T. phone home.
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Grissom: You committed a fatal error, Greg. You compromised evidence at a crime scene. A judgment like that can cost us a conviction. In order to solo in the field, you have to successfully complete three proficiencies.
Greg: I failed this one.
Grissom: Yeah. (Greg stands up, sighs and heads for the door) But...(Greg stops and turns around) Since you found a suitable replacement in the lab, I'm going to give you one more chance.
Greg: Thank you. Thank you.
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Sara: It's very neat in here. You're very neat, Chandra.
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Grissom: So, Greg, how do you explain adhesive and toilet bowl cleanser on the gun?
Greg: I don't know. I can tell you the toilets in the club had blue water.
Grissom: You inspected the toilet bowls for evidence?
Greg: Well, when you got to go, you got to go.
Hodges: Whew.
Grissom: At a crime scene, Greg?
Hodges: Everybody knows you hold it.
Grissom: You go across the street or next-door, somewhere other than the scene, until you've cleared the restroom. Did you clear the restroom?
Greg: No.
Grissom: Well, you could've flushed away evidence, wiped away fingerprints from the handle. Make sure you include this in your field notes.
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Grissom (about why the killer brought the Polaroid with him): 'Bring me the head of John the Baptist.' Salome- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then.
Brass: So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom?
Greg: Whoever shot him?
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Catherine: It's uh, quiet in here. Greg played music.
Chandra: Well, I find it distracting.
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Grissom (to Greg while looking at a gun): What's this blue stuff on the slide and the grip? (Greg doesn't answer) It's okay to say you don't know, Greg. That's why we have a trace lab.
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Chandra Moore: Warrick, right?
Warrick: Yeah.
Chandra Moore: I saw your presentation on longitudinal striations of the toenail in Dallas, A.A.F.S.? Really good work.
Warrick: Thank you. Thank you so much. And you are?
Chandra Moore: Oh, I'm Chandra. Chandra Moore. I'm the new DNA person.
Greg: Well, that's the plan anyway.
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Greg: Nick! This is Chandra.
Chandra Moore: Chandra Moore.
Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the new DNA girl. Right?
Chandra Moore: B.S. in bio-chem. M.S. in molecular biology. Five years of service in DNA at the CCL.
Nick: O-kay, well, I'm going to go use the no-pressure, no-AC, stinks-of-feet shower. So... welcome.
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Greg: Grissom, I'd like to introduce you to Chandra Moore.
Chandra: Pleased to meet you sir, I'm a fan.
Grissom: Wow, you're hot.
Chandra: I'm... I'm sorry.
Grissom: You're eminating heat. This is a new infared camera. It's good for looking at evidence in the dark. (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet?
Chandra: My...why?
Grissom: So many reasons.
Catherine (walking towards Grissom angry): Grissom? You can't possibly call that thing my office it's a cupboard.
Grissom: Catherine, I'd like you to meet Chandra Moore. She'll be doing DNA when Greg's in the field.
Catherine: Hello, I'm Catherine. (she turns right back to Grissom without giving Chandra a chance to introduce herself) We need to talk.
Grissom: Well, not now... too much work.
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(At a wedding that is being performed by "aliens")
Sara (to Nick): Don't get all misty on me now.
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Alien Wedding Guy: Are you two married?
Sara (quicky): No.
Alien Wedding Guy: No? Well we're open 24 hours. There's a toll free number right on the back. (to Nick) She's gonna getcha. (Nick chuckles)
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(At a crime scene which is a night club)
Greg: I've never seen this place with the lights on before. Kinda like seeing a one night stand for the first time in the morning. (Grissom gives him a look) Beer goggles.
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Catherine: Greg mentioned to you that my stuff gets done first, right?
Chandra: Yeah, well, in my lab, I decide what gets run and when. Unless Mr. Grissom tells me otherwise.
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Brass: So witnesses heard multiple gunshots, they think. Because it was during the blitz. You know the lights were out; sirens were going off, search lights, the whole World War II experience.
Grissom: When exactly did war became a party?
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Catherine: Why is it you guys can never hit the bowl?
Detective Vartann: You know if this guy took viagra, you're lucky he hit the floor and not the ceiling.
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Crystal: He says he'll kill me if I roll over on him. The way I saw it, I had two choices: Either kill him or go to jail.
Grissom: Congratulations, you got both.
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(Examining corpse found in the desert near Area 51 and David really thinks it could be an alien)
Sara: David, I think I know where he's from! Planet Seiko... (shows watch to Nick) E.T.
Nick: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
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(Nick was complaining that it would take a long time to dig out a body found next to Area 51)
Cop: Can't you just beam the body back to the morgue?
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Greg: How was it?
Warrick: Sucked. I hate lawyers. I hate court; they all need to dry up and die.
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Catherine (to Dr. Robbins): Have you ever tried to shake your ass in four inch heels? (before Dr. Robbins can answer) Don't answer that.
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Sara (to a mirror): So I had some time to think while I was away... enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I do not have a drinking problem... I have a me problem. My P.E.A.P. counselor suggested that it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor... and that's you... Grissom. (pause) I never told you about my family... I never told anyone about my family, why would I--
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Greg: So there's good news and bad news. Good news is, this is the busiest lab in the country. Bad news is, this is the busiest lab in the country.
Chandra: That's why I'm here.
Greg: I waited for you forever. I love you!
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Chandra (to Greg): They all want... they all want you, and I can't be you. I'm going back to Connecticut. (Greg turns to see Nick and Warrick exchange bet money)
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Brass: Hey Gil, wait. You got something stuck to your shoe. Oh no, It's just Sanders.