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Mac: (To Dr. Thatcher who is being accused of throwing lye) We know from your shoes that that's a lie. L-I-E.
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Hawkes: Did you know rumor has it that Jennifer Lopez's ass is insured for one billion dollars?
Mac: Excuse me?
Hawkes: Five hundred million a cheek.
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Danny: Come on, Zach, you're kidding me, right? The SEM doesn't take this long to cook up skate dusts.
Zach: It's working as fast as it can. You don't want this thing busting down, alright? Mac will have my ass.
Danny: So hard to find good help.
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Donald Scott: (showing an ID card with an old photo) Which Donald Scott do you think is handsomer?
Flack: Do I have to answer that question?
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Hawkes: Vanity - one of the seven deadly sins.
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Zach: Okay, I'm gonna start charging you guys for this forensic valet service.
(Hawkes and Flack don't find it funny)
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Aiden: Mac! Do you have a second?
Mac: Yeah, for you, I have ten seconds.
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(Hawkes is processing a teddy bear named Franklin)
Mac: So Franklin tell you anything or did he lawyer up?
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Dr. Thatcher: Plastic surgery isn't an exact science. We try to make people into swans, but you can't always fix an ugly duckling.
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Det. Scagnetti: I just spoke to Mr. and Mrs. Butterball over there. They don't know anything.
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Mac: You ready to search for the Holy Grail?
(Hawkes stops and gives a puzzled look at Mac)
Mac: You gotta have a container of some sort if you're gonna throw lye in someone's face.
Hawkes: You know, the Holy Grail is considered...
Mac: Yeah, yeah, I know, I read The Da Vinci Code too.
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Mac: This folder...
(puts the Regina Moore case file on his desk)
Mac: ...will stay right here on my desk until we catch this guy.
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Mac: Aiden...you're fired.
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Flack: We got some whackadoo running around throwing acid in people's faces?
Mac: Not acid-- lye.
Flack: All right. Well,I'll start with the nuts in this city and work my way up!
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Stella: Hey Danny, come here.
Danny: Which one of those trees need Viagra?
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Mac: There are three things that I'll protect at any cost. The honor of this country, the safety of this city, and the integrity of this lab.
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Mac: (to Dr. Thatcher) We checked your record, it's clean, but your partner's record has more flags than the UN building.
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Mac: A crime in a crowd. Two thousand eyes, not one witness.
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Stella: I didn't know Evelyn, but I have to give her credit for one thing. For not being able to see, she was able to see right through you.
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Mac: You on a break?
Hawkes: I'm just taking five minutes to eat. That's okay, isn't it?
Mac: Eating is frowned upon, Hawkes.
(Hawkes starts putting his food away)
Mac: Hey, I'm kidding. Relax!
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Danny: Give us a call if you remember the name.
Ira Feinstein: Of course. And you know who to call if you need a cuddle.
Danny: I don't cuddle.
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(Det. Scagnetti walks in with a pink bag)
Danny: Ooh, Detective Prada! That's a nice bag, matches your shoes perfectly.
Det. Scagnetti: (sarcastically) You're a funny guy, Messer.
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Mac: It never ceases to amaze me how men of higher education can commit such stupid crimes.