Curb Your Enthusiasm

Larry: On the days I want sex I'm a lot nicer. Jeff: Oh, really? Larry: Oh, yeah. I'll be nice the whole day. And then we'll have sex and then I'll just go back to being the way I am.

Jeff: I shouldn't be eating ice cream. Larry: No, you shouldn't.

Marty: I'm an orphan, okay? Larry: You're a what? Marty: I'm an orphan. Larry: Orphan? Marty: Yeah, an orphan. Larry: You're a little too old to be an orphan. Marty: No, if you don't have parents you're an orphan. Larry: Oh, you could be 70 and be an orphan? Marty: You can be 100 and be an orphan!

Larry: (on confronting a sample abuser) Don't abuse your sampling privileges. She abused the sampling privilege. And you know what else? Cheryl: What? Larry: I was also looking out for the counterperson, as well. Cheryl: If she had a problem with that woman, don't you think she would have said, "Excuse me, ma'am"? Larry: No, no, 'cause she's always told 'the customer is right,' and in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.

Marty: Jogging's the best thing for me. Larry: So mourners exercise? I didn't know that. Marty: I don't know if mourners exercise, it's just good for me.

Marty: (to Larry) If you weren't my best friend I would take my bare hands and pop your head off your neck. Larry: (laughs) He's not my best friend.

Loretta: I want them kids in that school. Larry: I'm gonna rectify it. I'm a great rectifier. That's what I do. I break down, I rectify.

Loretta: You know something, Larry, you should've mind your business on this one though. Larry: She was breaking the rules. She wasn't following the rules of society. Cheryl: What rules? Larry: The unwritten rules that we have as we go about our day.

Jeff: (to Larry) Oh, you know what? You have ruined my life. You have ruined my life! (points to an irate Susie) I have to live with this now! Susie: Oh, you bet he does. Jeff: Oh, you hear that?! I am fucked, and you fucked me—hard!!