Mainwaring: The museum is closed for the duration. There's only some old fool of a caretaker there.
Jones: That's my father.
Walker: Your dad? Blimey! He must be getting on.
Jones: What do you mean? He's only 88. Mind you, he was very young when he had me. He got married again last year, for the third time. Between you and me, I think he had to.
(The elderly caretaker refuses to let the platoon into his museum).
Mainwaring: By the powers vested in me by King George VI I demand you open this door.
Jones: It's no good mentioning King George VI. He still thinks Queen Victoria is the king.
(Walker explains an exhibit at the museum.)
Walker: It's a breastplate. It's supposed to protect the top.
Jones: How do you protect your bottom?
Walker: Don't turn your back on the enemy.