Dad's Army Season 9 Episode 4

(In the graveyard the platoon are at the spot where Frazer was seen burying his gold).
Mainwaring: Uncover it Pike.
Pike: What with?
Mainwaring: Your hands of course!
Pike: There might be slugs and worms and creepy crawlies!
Mainwaring: Get on with it
(turns to Wilson) You ought to have someone look at that boy you know.

Jones: You can't bury things in concrete, not unless you've got one of those rhumatic drills.

(Wilson's been looking for Frazer... he's drunk).
Wilson: Wull'e wasn-at the Horse and Houndsssa-a-nd they haven' seen 'im at the Fox since chris'mas and I know that because w-we made enquiries (He grins).
Pike: (to Mainwaring) We also made enquries at the Red Lion, the Marques of Rendall, The Goat, The Fox and Pheasant and the Black Horse... (turns to Wilson) and what Mum's gonna say when she sees you like this I do not know!

Frazer: Captain Mainwaring, there's just one thing I want to say to ye. If you think you're gonna get your hands on my gold, you can think again. I don't trust banks, I don't trust bankers and I don't trust you! That's all I want to say, thank you.

Jones: Now what we've got to do first is practice doing things in our gas masks
Godfrey: Resperators?
Jones: One more interruption from you Private Godfrey and I'll have you doubling around the church hall fifty times!

Jones: I had a hard life sir. When I was ten years old I had to get up at 5 o clock in the morning and follow the milkman around with his horse. And everytime the horse stopped the milkman shouted 'HANG ON TO THAT HORSE YOU LITTLE SHAVER!'. And he wasn't a nice horse Captain Mainwaring, cos in the winter, in the cold he used to stamp his feet and tread all over my toes and in the summer with his flies he used to keep tossing his head and he used to toss me over his shoulder and if I let go the milkman would clip me round the earhole. He only paid me tupence a week (Smiles proudly) but it was a good life!