Dallas

J.R.: What are you doing on your knees? What the Hell are you doing here, anyhow? Cally: Planting: lettuce, peppers, radishes. J.R.: Haven't you ever heard of a supermarket?

Cliff: I feel sorry for you, kid. Must've been a nightmare to discover that you had Ewing blood running in your veins. If you're going to yell at me because I'm about to drive a stake through J.R. Ewing's heart, you're wasting your time. James: I'm only trying to make peace. Michelle: Why don't you just stay out this and go home? James: Yeah, I'll do that. I said what I came to say. Cliff: Good. James: But keep in mind, by taking the Ewings on, you're taking me on, too. Cliff: Thanks for your input. Do me a favor and call first next time, huh? James: Yeah, I'll do that. Cliff: (to Michelle) I don't know. I might be up for a movie. I think the kid put me in the mood. How about, uh, Son of Dracula?

Alex: (to J.R.) Everything I've heard about you is true. You really are that evil.

Alex: Cally has talent. I didn't lure her anywhere. And as far as our relationship goes, you don't know your butt from a bucket of paint stripper. J.R.: Now, you just be quiet and listen to what I have to say because your life depends on it. You got two choices. Either you get out of the country for good within forty-eight hours or you're going to the local jail where some of the larger inmates just might take a liking to your kind of... artistic fella, if you get my meaning.

J.R.: Well, I finally get to see what an Alex Barton looks like. Alex: I've been expecting the famous J.R. Ewing to show his genius. That is, his genius at making his wife miserable. (J.R. chuckles) By the way, I'd recommend a more delicate brush stroke. Your style brings to remind Attila the Hun attacking a village.

Vice President: You know the Japanese are gonna write a management textbook on you, Mr. McKay. McKay: Have them wait until the Barnes Commission report comes out and then they can entitle it, Sayonara, Ewing Oil.

Michelle: Look, I'm sorry for what I said, but you're bound to be unfaithful soon enough, anyway. That's part of your nature and your charm. In fact, I've been expecting you to make a play for me. J.R.: Be a chilly mornin' in Hell before I'd let a money-hungry little b*tch like you in my bed. Michelle: Hey, I wouldn't be caught dead in bed with a Ewing. J.R.: My spy in the House of Barnes better come up with some good life-savin' stuff or else she's gonna end up life most spies... hangin' from a tree.

Cliff: J.R. Ewing is a snake. There isn't anything he wouldn't do to get your vote: blackmail, coercion, bribery. Just think of a limbo dancer when you think of J.R. Ewing. How low will he go? Very low indeed.

J.R.: I have a honey of a bride. And after a hard day's work cuttin' deals any which way I can, she's the little gal I come home to. Diana: What a good husband you are. J.R.: Best in Texas.

J.R.: Oh, I don't mean to intrude, uh, aren't you Diana Farrington? Diana: And you're the man I've been hearing so much about. J.R.: Well, I'm sure you've been told I spend most of my time bilking widows and kickin' orphans. Ha ha ha. Cliff Barnes would have everybody believe that I started World War I and II.