Dallas Season 13 Episode 19

J.R.: Oh, you're just as beautiful as ever.
Serena: And you're still one charming devil.
J.R.: (chuckling) This devil is never gonna throw away his pitchfork, honey.

J.R.: What've you got against the natural order of things?
Stephanie: Daddy goes to work and Mommy stays home and plays house?
J.R.: Damn right. Instead of runnin' around wishin' you were a man, you ought to be at home with your kids, makin' somebody a good wife. You know, it's women like you just irritate the hell out of me.
Stephanie: Do you know what irritates the hell out of me? Men like you who are afraid of the competition, who've kept us from being what we wanted all those years. Now, women like me scare the hell out of you, so you put on this, uh, good old boy macho act. What makes you think you've got this God-given right to be so superior?
J.R.: Well, you can bark and woof all you want, honey, but we got somethin' that, no matter how hard you try, you're never gonna get.
Stephanie: In your case, that's a small blessing.
J.R.: And from the looks of you, you could use a small blessing in your life.

J.R.: (to James) Now, you just stay out of this, son. One thing you gotta learn - Never interfere with a man when he's correctin' his wife.
Cally: Correcting?!
J.R.: You're damn right, correctin'.
James: Yeah? Since when are you the authority on what's correct?

J.R.: Yeah, I was wrong. You really are more suited to the business world than the kitchen, even if you are a woman.
Stephanie: Praise from Caesar!

J.R.: Well, she really pulled it off. That bottom-feeder Barnes has the luck of the devil.
Bobby: Well, you're takin' it better than I thought you would.
J.R.: That's 'cause I saw it comin'. And I know just what to do about it.
Bobby: And that is?
J.R.: To kill a snake, you cut its head off. And that's Ms. Stephanie Rogers.

Bobby: Pretty strange will, though. Atticus Ward must have been some kind of eccentric.
Miss Ellie: Well, from what Clayton told me, he wasn't eccentric. He was just plain crazy.
Lucy: No, no, Grandma. Only poor people are called crazy. Rich people are always called eccentric.

J.R.: (to Stephanie) The only oil you have even a nodding acquaintance with is the stuff you put in your bath water.