Dallas

J.R.: (to James) Look, as far as I'm concerned, you're still a little pup. And you don't get to run with the pack until you're well and truly trained.

Atticus: Well, it was a miracle that I survived. All I had to live on was fresh water, a few coconuts, and an occasional fish. McKay: Sounds like a healthy diet to me. Miss Ellie: Certainly a lot healthier than being named in your will.

J.R.: The whole thing's about James. He belongs in the oil business. He's got my blood in his veins and my daddy's. Hell, he's a Ewing, he belongs at Ewing Oil. Except that money-hungry little b*tch Michelle has got her claws in him. Bobby: Are you telling me you tried to ruin April's project just so you could split up James and Michelle? J.R.: Well, sure. Bobby: I suppose the next time your mail's late, you'll bomb the post office.

Michelle: Well, thanks to the grapevine, we now know who sank our project. James: What? It wasn't McKay? Michelle: Guess again. It wasn't somebody trying to stop me. It was somebody trying to stop you. James: No way. I'll kill him. Michelle: I guess that's why they call your daddy, "The Smiling Cobra."

Bobby: J.R., I hope you don't mind, but this time I've decided not to ask you to be best man at the wedding. J.R.: Huh. That suits me. I'd like to keep as far away from an altar as I can, if you know what I mean.

McKay: You know, sometimes it pays to have a bad reputation.

J.R.: Well, just remember: Marriage is like a salad. A real man has to learn to keep his tomatoes on top.

J.R.: (laughing) Oh, Lordy, Lordy. This is wonderful. The secret diary of Miss Stephanie Rogers. The little witch is gonna get spanked with her own broomstick.