Dalziel and Pascoe

Dalziel: (On going 'undercover' to Paxley Hall) I've always fancied a health farm. Fluffy dressing gowns, a sturdy massage off Erica from Stockholm or somewhere. Well it beats staying at home, done it.

Pascoe: What was I for? Dr Laurie: Oh come on Peter. Even you might have wondered about me being around to certify two suspicious deaths at Paxley Hall, once you got Maggie's confession and checked out Langton's death. I got in first. Pascoe: Even me. Dr Laurie: I enjoyed the restaurant honestly, great food. Dalziel: Professional anxiety over the pan fried tuna. (To Pascoe) I hope you didn't claim for that.

Dr Laurie: It was his idea. Dalziel: Funny that, he says it was yours.

Dalziel: (Arresting Bernie) Respect him Tweedy, he died for his country.

Raymond Miles: And I do think you might let me know when you intend to question my patient's again. Pascoe: Oh no this is... Dalziel: I'm his uncle. You could have knocked me down with a feather. Pascoe: Unlikely. Dalziel: He's from the brainy side of the family, a policeman now but we're still very proud of him. Pascoe: I'll let you get on then uncle Andy. Dalziel: You're looking very pasty Petey, you ought to give this place a try.

Dalziel: (At health farm dining hall) I've seen more life in a tramp's vest.

Pascoe: What would be her motive though? Wield: Could just be bonkers. Dalziel: Could just be bored. Smile then I'm back.

Dalziel: (Runs excitedly to phone) Oh. Darren, hey. Can I stop you there sunshine. Your my bank, I've got your number somewhere, I'm sure your in the book. So if one day I decided to take advantage of your over fifties financial health care it'll be me who calls you, not the other way around. Or you could write, I mean I know you've got my address because of all the crap you send me! Along with everything else. Oh and while you're on, what's the latest on that nice little assistant manager Liz Kimmel. Has she had her twins alright? Well you wouldn't would you, not sitting in a call centre in bloody Inverness! Oh and its Detective Superintendant Dalziel to you Darren. (Hangs up.)

Dalziel: Skimmed! That's a pint of water with an udder waved over it.

Dalziel: Cheer up. I just saved you from a very bad career move, bed-time hanky-panky with a murderer. Pascoe: Yeah, thanks.