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Patty: (to her employees) All of you are members of an extraordinary team, and I value each and every one of you. If you want to quit, just tell me now. But if you call in sick Thursday or Friday, don't bother coming in Monday. Your jobs won't be waiting for you. That grenade was never meant to destroy our office. It was meant to destroy our resolve.
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Arthur: Does your wife ever just want to reach over there and pinch your cheeks 'cause you're so adorable?
Ray: No.
Arthur: You should go outside and get some sun, Ray. You look like crap.
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Patty: Oh, Tom, could you see if there's anything we can use in this? If not, rewrite it.
Tom: Who wrote it?
Patty: Ellen. What's the problem? I thought you wanted some legal work.
Tom: Do you think rewriting a first-year's draft is what I had in mind?
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Patty: Taking power away from a man is a dangerous thing. Someone always pays.
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Michael: When I make you angry or I make you laugh, I do it because of controlling you.
Patty: So you enjoy manipulating me?
Michael: No, God, no. It's way too easy. I don't enjoy it. I feel sorry for you. You make me sad.
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(after reading Michael Hewes' internet history)
Uncle Pete: What's an M-I-L-F?
Patty: I have no idea.
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(after opening a parcel sent to her office)
Patty: God, it's going to be a shitty week!
(close-up shot of the box containing a grenade)
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Patty: And how's your morning?
Uncle Pete: Every day above ground is a Pyhrric victory.