Professor: Daria, I know it's only the first week of freshmen year, but I wonder if you'd consider transferring to the graduate school.
Daria: I'm not really sure I want to be a professional student.
Professor: But I don't want you to study. I want you to teach.
Professor: Not here, of course. On our Paris campus.
Daria: Oh! Okay.
Professor: Superb! Now I can use your dorm room to carry on affairs with some of the more beautiful undergraduates. Thank you!
Daria: How come even in my fantasies everyone's a jerk?