Daria

Jane: Oh, come on, it's just hair. Daria: That's what Samson said.

Daria: You're accusing me of having some kind of designs on your boyfriend, and you tell me "don't worry about it?" Jane: Hair...Ow! Daria: Sorry.

Jane: I'm telling you, she wanted to screw up my hair. Anyone with the least bit of painting experience couldn't possible do that bad a job by accident. Trent: I didn't know she paints. Jane: Huh? Oh...she doesn't. Trent: Oh. Then why she'd think she could do your hair? Jane: Well, she didn't. Actually, I kind of made her. Trent: Why'd you do that?

Daria: Can you picture me making out with anyone? Ever? Jane: (pause) Can I stop short of your wedding night?

Jodie: She had some big surprise she was going to unveil today. She kept talking about the lady or the tiger. Daria: Um, the tiger turned out to be more of a penguin with eczema.

Daria: (to Tom) Why? Why? Because I moved to this town and I knew immediately that I'd be a total outcast, and in the one moment of good luck I've had in my entire life I met another outcast who I could really be friends with, and not feel completely alone, and then you came along and screwed the whole thing up.

Jane: What am I going to do? Tag along on your dates? Forget it, that's too weird for me. Tom: Yeah. I don't know why we expected [Daria] to do it.

Daria: Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you. Helen: Oh. Daria: I didn't mean it that way.

Daria: So. What happens now? Jane: I was hoping you knew. Daria: Are we still friends? (Jane shrugs) Daria: Are we? Jane: Yeah. We're the kind of friends that can't stand the sight of each other. Daria: Temporarily, right? Jane: I hope so, Daria.

Helen: Sorry, can't stay for breakfast. Must get my files together for the seven a.m. I'm sorry, but this is the biggest case I've ever had! (realizes she is alone) Oh. It's five in the morning. Why would anyone be up? Now who am I talking to?

Jane: Maybe breaking up with him is good. Trent: Maybe it is. Jane: So why do I feel like I'm going to throw up every five minutes? Trent: I don't know, you haven't been eating from the refrigerator again, have you?

Jake: (reading the paper) You can't shoot squirrels?! What kind of a town is this?! Damn it! You can't drown them either?!

Daria: Hey, your hair looks great. Jane: I dyed it back. I will pass for human.

Stacy: It's so good of you to have us over for this, Quinn! Quinn: Well, you know what I tell myself. Quinn, if not you, who? If not now, when? Daria: If not leave, puke.

Daria: (mixing hair dye) This stuff stinks. Why can't they just mix it before they put it in the bottle. Jane: Because the vapors would build up and explode. Daria: Oh. Well that sounds like something I want seeping into my scalp.

Jane: Look Daria, this is the type of activity that teen girls do together to cement their friendship. Don't you want to cement our friendship? Daria: I'd probably do better with actual cement.

Jane: "Golden heather blonde." "Dewy cornfield blonde." "April wheat blonde." I just want to bleach my hair not start a freaking farm. Daria: Well, I'm looking for "Blonde as a Bat", but so far no luck.

Daria: I bet for twenty bucks and a bag of doughnuts that girl behind the counter would come over to your house and help you with this. Jane: You know, Daria, not everyone in the world conducts themselves with the same ruthlessly mercenary principles as you and your family. Daria: That's why I threw in the doughnuts; give the deal a personal touch.

Helen: Well, if your mother's 80, then what is she doing dragging some poor soul to the alter?

Daria: Because I'm not interested in you. And I'd be stabbing my friend in the back if I ever considered it. Tom: Of course. And what kind of guy would that make me. Daria: Exactly. Tom: All right, then. Daria: Okay. (Tom and Daria Kiss) Daria: Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! Tom: I liked it, too. Daria: That's not funny. Tom: I know. (They kiss again) Tom: That was definately not funny.