Daria Season 1 Episode 2

Helen: What did your self-esteem teacher say?
Daria: He says I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child, and replicate them. But I supposed Quinn's here to stay...
Quinn: What's that supposed to mean?

Jane: I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special.

Helen: (to Daria) We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful, and you just don't get it. What's wrong with you?!

Helen: (on the phone) Listen, is this going to require any parent/teacher conferences or anything? And if so, is this the sort of thing my assistant can handle?

(Quinn's response on the psychological test)
Quinn: They've been going out for awhile, and he's upset because other people keep asking her out, and she's saying she can't help it if she's attractive and popular, and besides, nobody ever said they were going steady. And if he does want to go steady, he's got to do a lot better than movie-burger-backseat, movie-burger-backseat, because there are plenty of guys with bigger backseats, waiting to take her someplace nice.

Jake: What about you, Daria? How was your first day?
Daria: Well, my history teacher hates me because I know all the answers, but there are some interesting idiots in my class.
Jake: That's great!

Mrs. Manson: Now, Dora, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's.
Daria: It's Daria.
Mrs. Manson: I'm sorry...Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara?
Daria: Um...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
Mrs. Manson: Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.
Daria: Last time I took one of these tests they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted.
Mrs. Manson: That's a different test, dear. In this test, they're people and you tell me what they're discussing.
Daria: Oh...I see. All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing...a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.

Boy: So... like, what do you like to do after school?
Quinn: Oh, nothing special. Go to the movies... or, like, a theme park... or out for a really fancy meal now and then... or maybe go to a concert, if, like, I know somebody's got good seats and is renting a limo and stuff.
Jane: You hear that? He hasn't got a prayer.

(Quinn exits the car, and is immediately noticed by the other students)
Stacy: Hi! You're cool. What's your name?
Quinn: Quinn Morgendorffer.
Sandi: Cool name.
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Daria: (to Jake) I'll try to help her through this difficult period of adjustment. (Daria exits car)

Jake: So how's the old self esteem coming, kiddo?
Daria: My self esteem teacher says that being addressed all my life with childish epithets like "kiddo" is probably a key source of my problem.
Jake: (Really scared and worried) Really?
Daria: No.

Daria: I dont get it Jane, you've got the entire course memorized, how come you can't pass the test to get out?
Jane: I can pass the test, but I like having low self-esteem. Makes me feel special.

Daria: You know all the answers to the questions on the release test, don't you?
Jane: I've got them in my notebook.
Daria: Why don't we just take the test tomorrow and get out the class once and for all?
Jane: How would I spend my afternoons?
Daria: UFO conventions.
Jane: Now you're talking!

Mr. O'Neill: What's a daydream that you'd like to see come true?
Daria: Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together.
Mr. O'Neill: Excellent!
Daria: Something that'll really make them suffer.

Mr. DeMartino: Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?
Daria: Manifest Destiny was a slogan popular in the 1840s. It was used by people who claimed it was God's will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean. (pause) These people did not include many Mexicans.