-
Fang: We gotta help Candy. She keeps eating that broccoli and getting bigger and dumber.
Oswidge: I warned her not to eat anymore of that stuff.
Fang: No you didn't!
Oswidge: Well I should have. So there.
-
Fang: Holy country style potato salad, Candy, you're huge!
-
Dave: Lookee here. I knitted a sweater for Candy.
Fang: That won't fit her! She's even bigger, now.
Dave: Oh darn, I'll have to give this one to the horses.
(in Stables)
Twinkle: Wow. I'm feeling cozy.
-
Uncle Oswidge: It's not what's on the outside that's beautiful; it's what's on the inside; your heart... and your liver, your gallbladder, and your spleen...
-
(after seeing poster of Bicepia the Warrior Woman)
Lula: (to Dave) She's as big as you!
Dave: (knitting) Yeah, but I bet she can't knit.
Lula: A barbarian who knits...
-
Candy: I need to beef up somehow!
Oswidge: No problem, I'll use my magic!
Candy: Yeah right, you'll probably turn me into some giant freak!
Oswidge: Uh...isn't that the point?
-
Pillage Master: Dave the Barbarian, it is now the 16th hour of the 16th day of the 16th month of your 16th year!
Dave: 16th month? Has anyone checked this guy's math?
-
Candy: Mom! Dave keeps getting presents, and I don't! Tell him to stop it!
-
Guy in video going to be a barbarian: I am both nervous, and excited! (invading house) Yarr!
-
Candy: No fair - how come Dave gets a ritual and I don't?!
Queen of Udregoth: Girls get something differnt, hon - the rite of postage. Remember when you had to lick all those stamps?
Candy: Oh, yeah. I thought that was just a summer job.
-
The Pillage Master: Men know me as the Pillage Master. But you may call me...Doria.
Dave: That's a pretty name.