Dave the Barbarian

(Played in the background while Candy and Sebaceous have a love montage) Girl Singer: A love that's old as cheese ... And with a cheesy smell! Girl Singer and Narrator: Can the two of us get along? Girl Singer: Despite your pus? Girl Singer and Narrator: Only time will tell ... Girl Singer: And yes, you're very sweet, But how can I commit? Girl Singer and Narrator: Nothing's ever simple - Girl Singer: When you love a pimple! Girl Singer and Narrator: Candy and her zit ... Candy and her - (Explosion sound as Candy's family breaks through the wall)

Oswidge: Don't cry, Candy. You're still young. As a teenager, you'll have a lot more chances to fall in love! And if not, at least you'll have a lot more zits!

Candy: Which shoes should I pick, the pink ones or the fusha ones? Fang: Yeah, I love you sis, but I couldn't give a rabid weasel's snout what you wear to some stupid ball! Candy: You don't understand! If I don't pick the right ones, the other girls will rip me to shreds! Fang: Cool. Candy: No, literally rip me to shreds. Fang: Cool!

Fang: My sister's in love with a giant zit monster. Cool....

Oswidge: Don't worry Candy, you'll find true love again someday; and if you don't, at least you'll have a lot more zits.

Dave: Please don't hurt me! Please oh please please please!

Oswidge: Don't make me turn you two into cabbages again.

Dave: Uncle Oswidge! Fang's being mean to breakfast! Fang: Noh-uh! Dave: Yeah-huh! Oswidge: Would you stop that! Dave and Fang: Sorry Uncle Oswidge Oswidge: Can't you two just -- Pancakes!

Dave: (thoughts) How come the inside of my head is so echo-y? Hello. Row, row, row your boat.

Dave: (to Chuckles) My Enchanted Sword will change your tune. Lula: What? What are you looking at? What? What! Dave: Well I don't know, some kind of Magical Energy Blast. Lula: And you couldn't say something? What am I a mind reader?

Fang: Swim my pretties, swim.

Fang: Hey, dig me, I just invented sandboarding.

Cauldron Operator: Please deposit 10 dreckles for the first 5 minutes.

Chuckles: Now, ATTACK! Dave: AAAAAHHHH! (runs off) Fang: DAVE!! That was NOT Barbariany!!

Uncle Oswidge: This place is as empty as a supermodel's head.

Candy: OH NO! Dave: (scared) What is it?!! A monstrous orge?! An orgous monster?!! Tell me quickly so I'll know the best way to hide!

Dave: Alright...as long as I don't have to fight the monster. Fang: (pulling on Dave's face) OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT THE MONSTER!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!! BAKE HIM A PIE?!!! Dave: (face now shaped like a rolled up curtain) But everyone loves pie...

Dave: I never wanted to be a barbarian. Fang: You did when you were ten! Dave: Only because I thought it meant a librarian who also cut hair.

(after sand monster was destroyed, everyone cheers for victory) Faffy: Yee-hah! Fang: Dave! That was great!